You Can’t Save Everyone

Dear friend,

If you’re like most people, you want to save everyone. Who can blame you? Like most of us, when you see something is broken, you want to fix it. You see someone is in pain, you want to help them. It’s part of who you are. Now you’re probably thinking: “But this is what I should do, I need to be there for everyone who need me”. Well not exactly. Hear me out.

You cannot save everyone

We want to make sure that not just the people we cherish the most are safe, but also the ones around us, and pretty much everybody we meet. Whatever bad you see is happening in today’s world, it’s in human nature to try and help. However, this is when problems start to appear.

This is the unspoken truth and something you might not want to hear, but I’ll be crazy direct and honest.  You can’t save everyone, and you shouldn’t. You cannot change anyone, and you shouldn’t even try. Period.

Believe me when I say, I tried. I gave it everything I got to save my potential partners from themselves, to save my friends from their own toxic thoughts, and even my family from all the arguments. I want this article to be eye-opening for you my dear friend, because it’s not your duty to fix anyone.

I’m 31 now, and I was always the one who would try to solve and repair everything. So as weird as this sounds, I’m glad I can’t make everything right. It was a burden my shoulders could never carry. You need to remember…

People don’t need to be saved

You need someone in your life who won’t need your constant help and presence. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you should be careless and distant, but you need to understand, it’s not your job to be there for everyone all the time. The painful truth is, many people don’t want to be saved.

Many are so enjoying being the victim and nothing you do will change that pattern of behavior. You’ll actually meet heavy resistance. I had my fair share of relationships and friendships in the past when I was only called when someone needed something or when things got bad.

When everything was good, it’s like I never existed. Don’t allow yourself to be in that position, because one person needs you more than anyone else…

YOU!

Be there for the ones you love the most, but never forget to put yourself as a priority. I’ll now share something personal with you, and I’m a little nervous being this vulnerable. A good number of people contacted me in recent weeks, seeking my attention. I haven’t spoken with most of them for many months and even years.

So I decided, as much as every atom of my body wanted to, to not act on that feeling and help everyone who reached out. I chose to be there for myself, the ones who are there for me, and those who were by my side when no one else was. At that moment, I felt a sense of freedom I haven’t felt in a long time.

I felt guilty at the beginning though. But I made a conscious choice to focus on the ones who actually make the effort to reach out and show me that they care for me, too. By prioritizing the ones who see me as an important part of their life, I made myself a priority too.

Now I give my energy (which levels are drastically increased by the way) only to the few who earned it, and they return it to me in abundance. I want to make a difference in this world and reach out to as many people as possible, but I’ll always put myself first. Not because I’m selfish or arrogant, but because in the end, how will you help someone, if you can’t help yourself, dearest? <3

Love,

Marko

Have you ever been called a savior? Can you relate with what I wrote in this article? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

9 thoughts on “You Can’t Save Everyone

  1. Yes. Way too easy to spread yourself too thin, and like you said, too often the contact is only when they need help…not a true friend. I recently changed my phone’s home screen to “Not my circus, not my monkeys” and it helps! It reminds me to disconnect from their problem after the initial discussion and not allow myself to become immersed. Great reminder, thank you!

  2. I would hope that anyone reading this understands that my action to disengage, after hearing someone out and trying to help, isn’t because I don’t care…but rather that we infjs tend to care too much. We get entangled in someone else’s problems and try to fix what isn’t fixable. They often aren’t looking for a solution that takes work on their part- they just want a quick fix or reassurance so they can move on. We get left carrying the mountain of emotions that they neglected to feel. I am learning not to carry! (And there I go…typical infj over-explaining. 😆)

  3. I really enjoy your writing. Thank you for this article. I have put myself in so much harms way and lost so much not having correct boundaries… Thinking that I need to respond in immediate action without considering what happens to me or putting myself so low on list.
    I have learned the hard way to try not to do this..sometimes the guilt of not being able to help has been crippling also experienced alot of frustration and hurt at myself from giving to extent that I’ve put myself in terrible bind when it doesn’t seem to matter usually to the person I’m helping. Your article helps put that in perspective! Yes those that love us do appreciate and reciprocate but so hard to set boundaries when dealing with others!
    Great reinforcement! Thank you.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind, supportive words, they mean a lot! I hear you, and understand. It’s okay, you’re human, and it’s not easy to create these boundaries. But just by sharing what you did here, by acknowledging this, you are already making progress! Be proud of yourself! 🙂 And you are so welcome!

  4. It is so hard to say no to others. I can totally relate to this article. I have had the life sucked out of me so many times in my life. I’m over 60 and it was only a few years ago that I started to cut out Negative people from my life. You are so right that some people love to play the victim and don’t want help. They just want someone to commiserate with them and validate their feelings. Life is too short to allow others to bring you down. Like you say, save your energy for those who support you as well. I find that joys are shared as well with those people!

    1. Thank you so much for choosing to share this with us, Pat! We hear you, it’s definitely hard… So sorry you had to go through all that… But we are glad that this article resonated with you! 🙂

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