It’s painfully difficult to stay true to ourselves in today’s modern world. We are our own worst critics, adding this to the mixture. Every action and spoken word will go through a detailed analysis in our mind before a decision has been made. However, this way of thinking brings us to the next question…
Who are we actually? So…
How do you know who you are?
I had an interesting talk with a taxi driver recently while going to my favorite coffee shop. It’s not a long distance, but he wanted to have a more meaningful talk with me, so being an INFJ I happily accepted. 🙂
It got to a question who we are. He asked me, and I only said, I’m Marko, currently someone who is trying to figure out what is the next chapter of my life, and why I keep giving so much to those who give so little to me.
The taxi driver stopped the car (red light of course), turned his head in disbelief, and was probably thinking I am crazy. Mind you, this is Serbia we are talking about, a small country that is extremely close minded and not open to individual values and qualities. Many don’t even know what being an introvert means.
It was my turn to asking the drive who he is. And of course, he said exactly what I expected him to say. “I’m a taxi driver for 15 years, before that my company fired me, before that I worked in real estate, I have a wife, two kids, I live in a terrible neighborhood…
“This is not who you are” I said. “How so?” he replied. I told him that he only told me what is his career, what happened to him, who he loves, and where he lives, but not who he really is.
“Who are you really, when you are not driving, when you are not with your family, and when you are not in your home”?
I’ll never forget the moment when this elderly man took of his glasses and said: “I don’t know… I guess I forgot…” The sadness in his eyes is something that will stay with me for a long time. Unfortunately, he is not the only one who has this way of thinking…
Here’s the truth…
Many with whom I had the chance to speak with connect who they are with their career. Some with people who are in their life, and others with the place where they are at the moment. None of this defines you. There is zero correlation with what you do, who is your friend or partner, and where you live with who you really are. That conclusion comes from within.
So now I’m going to share with you three scary scenarios why is this mindset so terrifying. What you read here won’t be easy to digest, but I want to show you that you are enough.
My work completes me. Your career and what you do is not a measurement of success. You are not what you do. Let me ask you something. If you are what you do, then what are you when you are doing nothing?
This person is my other half. First of all, you are not a half. You are already a complete whole. It’s wonderful having that special someone, but you don’t need anyone to complete you, because you are already enough, a thousand times enough!
I live in the place of my dreams. There’s nothing wrong in loving the place where you are. But that location is only that, a simple location. If you don’t find peace within first, I promise you, you’ll not find it on the other side of the globe, no matter where you go. Look within, this is your “location”.
Everything you just read wasn’t meant to discourage you, quite the contrary. Let your work fill you with joy, allow that special someone to hug you and feel that love, and give yourself the permission to relocate to a far-away land where you will feel happy. Please do all of that, my dear friend. 🙂
But while you are doing this, I want you to know, you are the only person on the face of the Earth who has that permission to look in the mirror and say: “This is who I am.” No one else can do this for you. Not your family, not your friends, partners, or coworkers, only you.
I guess what I’m trying to tell you is…
YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO BE!
How would you respond if someone asked you: “Who are you?” What would you say? I would love to see your thoughts in the comment section below! 🙂
2019 is almost over. Whatever happened this year, happened. Let it go. I know that it may be a cliché advice, all that “New Year New Me”… And you will hear so many talking about their NY resolutions, plans, goals, where are they going to travel, that they will find the love of their life… The list goes on, until you actually feel nauseous and just want for some peace. Stop With All the Wishes And Resolutions
Every single year when I made New year Resolutions and goals, I ended up being disappointed if I missed a deadline for one, or if things didn’t work out how I wanted them to be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s perfectly okay to plan for the next year and what you want to do.
But the issue is that with all these decisions, we only create expectations. For example, I wanted to move to a new apartment when I return to Canada, and to live closer downtown. I also wanted to travel to some destinations that were on my bucket list for years. But guess what?
I also wanted to enter this year with some people that were my biggest support just 11 months back. And now, almost none of those people are present in my life, and I am going back to my old home in Calgary (a home that I love, honestly). Not to forget, I also wanted to have a multiple six figure business. Not going to happen.
But life again happened.
Present is your most important gift
Instead of everything I wrote above, something much better happened when I stopped making New Year action planning for the next year, creating 12 month plans, and pushing myself to again start the so called “hustle”.
I chose to slow down. Fully and entirely. I made a choice to embrace where I am, who is there, what I am doing, and what I went through to get to where I am at the moment.
These are the results for my 2019:
– I found a handful of people that literally finish my sentences how well we function, and with whom I can speak every day not being afraid to tell them how I feel
– I have a career I am infatuated with, working with people who inspire and bring out the best from me
– I don’t spend an ounce my energy on anyone who isn’t ready to appreciate me for who I am
– I don’t look back for those who left, those who don’t respond, who are “too busy”, and those who only come to me when they need something.
– I am surrounded by those few I cherish dearly, and those who create the time to be there for me regardless of what is happening to them
– New amazing, doors are opening up to me (this is going to be a secret for now 😉 )
Now I didn’t tell you all this to make you feel bad about yourself. I shared this with you because if I could do it, so can you. I am no better than anyone. We all earned the right to walk in the direction of peace, love, and progress.
I told you about my 2019, so that you can see that you are not required to set some massive goals for 2020 in order to succeed. And this is coming from someone who planned every step of the way, always wanting to know what’s going to happen next.
New Year, Be You
Please know, you were enough in 2019, and you will be in 2020. Whatever happens, whatever good or bad comes your way, know this. Only you can decide where to steer your ship. You’re the only one who can catch the wind and sail to wherever you want to go.
You don’t have to make some silly decisions or plan anything for twelve months in advance in order to succeed. I can promise you, life will surprise you, and there will be a bunch of things that will go wrong. I’m not saying you should improvise everything though.
Instead, just allow yourself to be here, now. Don’t hustle to have a life you won’t have time to live.
You won’t miss anything, because what is meant to cross your path will find its way to you. The love of your life, the career of your dreams, the travel of a decade, everything will come to you exactly when it’s supposed to. But until it does, remember one crucial thing…
Live now! You only got one life. Please, don’t spend it chasing something invisible. Plan if you want, journal, that’s all good. But I am urging you, bring your mind and heart to this present moment…
You won’t miss a thing, I promise.
May this 2020 bring you all that your younger self prayed for, everything your future self would be grateful for, and all that will make you present self smile from ear to ear. 🙂
Happy New 2020 everyone! 🙂
How will you enter 2020? What are your thoughts on what we shared in this article? Would you agree with it? As always, we would love to hear from you in the comments below!
No article today. I won’t cover a specific topic, or tell you what to do if something happens etc… I won’t give you any examples either. Today, I just have few words I would like you to hear. These come straight from the heart, followed by a few tears…
Don’t you dare chasing anyone!
Don’t you dare chasing anyone for love and affection. Don’t you dare shrinking yourself so that others may like you, or see you in a different way. We’re all meant to shine with our own unique light, so that all those authentic souls may find they way to you.
Those who will actually fight for you and won’t give up on who you are.
Don’t you dare begging anyone to call you, message you, or stay with you. Your purpose on this Earth is not to persuade anyone that you are worthy of love. You got that right the moment you were born, the moment you took your first breath, you were and are worthy of being cherished for who you are.
If someone, for whatever reason can’t or won’t give you the love and care you earned, then there’s no need to chase that affection. If they won’t give it to you willingly, wish them all the best, and let them go.
Now, I need you to see and hear what I’m about to say.
You are enough
You will be hurt. Life will teach you that lesson, do not doubt that for a single moment. You will experience pain of rejection and abandonment. But you will also feel love, kindness, goodness, and that genuine concern that will make your days filled with pure joy.
So don’t you dare chasing for their love. You earned it, just by being you. You earned it the moment you opened your eyes, and allow no one to convince you differently.
You are not difficult to love. You are enough.
I would love to hear from you in the comments below, how are you feeling about the upcoming Holidays? Do they make you feel good, or perhaps lonely? Feel free to share your thoughts, you will be listened here. 🙂
This is the time when New Year resolutions are being made. People see this event as extremely important, because it’s believed that the decisions made now will be effective throughout the next year. I know so many who create specific lists with exact dates by when will they accomplish something. However, at some point I had to ask myself one question…
Are New Year resolutions really needed?
Every time when I would make a New Year resolution, it put a tremendous pressure on me. I felt as if no matter what, I had to make it happen. And while carrying that pressure, I had to work on all the problems daily life brings.
So instead of feeling fulfillment for making a New Year resolution, I started feeling overwhelmed. And as time passed by, it would happen that I miss a date by when I told myself that I will earn more money, travel to my next destination, or overthink less.
Life had other plans. As I was looking at the paper where I wrote all these resolutions, I only saw something that made me feel anxious instead of happy. I saw something that made me to compare myself to others instead feeling that inner peace.
Bottom line, I felt miserable. Sure, some goals were met. But being the perfectionist that I am, I knew that I won’t be pleased until I reach every single goal on that paper. Because if I don’t, I would feel as if I can’t even honor my own words from just few months back.
So I realized…
No more New Year resolutions
I’m not saying you should live day by day and not thinking about the future. That’s a different story. But there’s no need to wait for a certain month of the year, so that you can decide to do something for the next one.
Time is a concept only humans have. Only we use clocks, and human beings are the only ones who measure years, months, days, hours, minutes… We are under this constant pressure to do everything on time.
Earn more, travel more, do more of that, do less of this, and the list goes on and on… It was like this for me until this year when I made a choice. Never again will I make New Year resolutions and ask myself are they needed.
The reason why?
I don’t want to plan every step of my journey.
Be here, now!
Instead of focusing on a New Year resolution, why not just trying to enter 2020 with a fresh start? 🙂
What happened in 2019, happened. We can’t turn the clock backwards, but we can be in the present moment.
Why not simply make a choice to slow down, to smile more, to cry when you need to, to have more chocolate ice cream, to dance in the rain, to play video games while having your favorite coffee, see your friends more often, take yourself out to dinner, or to enjoy reading your favorite book in a quet coffee shop while it’s snowing outside?
Let me tell you a secret. You don’t even have to make that choice. Just do it!
You can do all that whenever you want to, 365 days a year, you don’t have to wait for December!
Go do your thing! Something good might happen, something bad might happen, you might fail, you might feel sad, abandoned, or happy, or in love, but nothing will happen if you make New Year resolutions a must just because everyone else do them, and because you believe you need them.
You don’t need a plan to live your life. You just have to embrace the fact that it will happen, whether you plan it or not.
I have no idea what 2020 is going to bring. I honestly have no clue. Coming from someone who planned almost every step of the way, that can be a scary thought, looking into the unknown.
But I tell you what? The unknown can sometimes be pretty awesome. You have to allow life to happen. You just need to take one step at a time. 🙂
What are your thoughts on New Year resolutions? What’s your experience with them, and how do they make you feel? We would love to hear from you in the comment section below!
Finding purpose is not always about finding that bigger why, or why we exist on this planet. The truth about discovering it is simpler than you realize. And rarely is seeing that purpose more important than when it comes to your career and what you do. Allow me to explain why.
Finding Purpose Is Vital For Career Success
Many believe that when we set out to find why we’re here, we immediately ask ourselves questions that are larger than life. I wasn’t different, because I too asked myself this more times than I can count. Here’s an example.
Our career will take a huge portion of our life. This is why it’s so vital that we not just find purpose for it to succeed, but also to understand why are we searching for it in the first place.
Just a few years ago, I thought that if I don’t immediately see the end-goal in the job that I do, I would immediately reject it. It didn’t matter what it was, I would not even consider it, because I thought that I need to see the finish line right away.
This way of thinking caused one particular sensation to overflow my mind – regret. I failed to realize that finding purpose is vital for career success, but not in the way many people think. It’s much more simpler, and more closer for you to find it than you think.
Career success are not promotions, big company meetings with million dollar deals, or endless hustling (I actually don’t like that term at all). Finding purpose in your career is loving what you’re doing even when it’s hard. 🙂
It’s All About the Little Things
If you would ask me just a couple of years back what’s my main career goal I would tell you it’s having a six figure business, the hustle, working tirelessly around the clock to reach that goal. Don’t get me wrong, these are perfectly valid goals and dreams.
I’m not going to bash people who think like this. If that’s something that makes you fulfilled, I’m the first one who will support you, fully and unconditionally.
But having gone through the stage of my life where my career was everything to me, I realized what I lost in that so called rat race. I lost friends, alienated myself from my family, and missed who knows how many opportunities to be in a relationship with someone special.
Finding purpose is vital for a career success, because that success is fulfillment! Please don’t chase a life you wanna life, but lose the time living the life you have now, right this minute while you’re reading this.
I promise you, no amount of money, position, power, or influence will be seen as success if you have no one with whom you can share it with.
Your money won’t hold your hand when you just need to be listened. Your promotion won’t be there to hug you when you want to cry, and your influence won’t matter when you just need to be heard from the heart.
So are you ready to hear a big secret?
Career Purpose Is Not Your Career
It’s how you feel while you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s when you’re feeling exhausted to the bone, meeting difficult deadlines, when your eyes hurt just by looking at the screen, and you get a text message from the ones you care for the most:
“I’m thinking about you, you can do this.”
Your career purpose is when you get up in the morning, even though you are not a morning person and you still want to work with enthusiasm. It’s when you go to sleep in peace, knowing that what you did that day made a difference.
Finding your career purpose is vital, because it’s not about chasing money or prestige… It’s knowing that when the day comes when you know you can’t do something, you will get that message from that special soul telling you that you can. It’s when you look yourself in the mirror before you go to bed and tell yourself:
“You did good today. I’m proud of you.”
Now that’s a purpose worth seeking, wouldn’t you agree? 🙂
I would love to hear, how important is your career to you? Do you seek to find purpose in it? Please feel free to share your thoughts, I would be humbled to hear from you!
P.S This article will also be shared as a guest post on a concept from one of our dear friends. 🙂
It can be so difficult to find people who will actually be there. It took me almost 31 years before I found people who are always there for me, no matter what. But the road to reaching that point was more difficult that I could have ever imagined. The reason was simple.
I Was The Only One Who Was Always There
In the past, I was the one who would send that first message or start the conversation. It doesn’t matter how close I was to that person, if I would stop reaching out and being there, I would never hear from them ever again.
This pattern kept repeating itself to the point where I started losing hope that something will ever change for the better. But this wasn’t just about mere presence. The lack of response triggered deep traumas from my past.
Even though I had what you call a regular childhood, that was only a mirage. The reality was that I felt lonely for most of my life. Imagine writing something that’s important to you to someone close only to never receive a response, or get one after a few days with only a nonchalant: “Oh I forgot to respond back.”
Understand, this was something that was happening for years to me. I almost decided one day few years back that I don’t need anyone, and that I’m okay on my own. Luckily, I was wrong regarding that. But I still felt like I’m a merely option to everyone back then.
Because I don’t want you to go through what I did, here’s a small letter to You who are always there.
My Letter To Everyone Who Are always There
I just returned from a small weekend getaway where I took some time to recharge, and hear my own thoughts for the first time in a long time. I’m a firm believer that we sometimes need to silence the external world in order to hear our own clearer.
However, even though I was mostly offline, I kept communicating with only one person on a regular basis. Apart from this amazing human, I made a conscious decision not to message with almost anyone else, as like I said, I needed time to re-align myself.
I had so many incredibly meaningful conversations with this amazing human during my weekend getaway from social media. The surefire way you can know when these talks are impactful is when you completely lose the track of time.
It’s when you forget about the fact you ordered food half an hour ago and you’re perfectly okay with it because you received and are listening a lovely new song, or laughing at a wonderful meme they sent you. It’s when you need help choosing the right sweater (Yes, I’m terrible at shopping for myself lol), and you get complete support in choosing the right one after just one message. 🙂
Because of this, and so many other reasons that would need at least a thousand more pages for me to write to explain it, I’m there for this wonderful person no matter what happens. And I want to tell you something. Be there for those incredible souls like the one I just described, always.
You know why?
Because you’re going to forget all about those who left. You won’t think twice about those who hurt you, or even blink at the mention of the ones who told you you were too much. You will simply be too busy being there for those who are there for you too.
Please trust that you will find the people who will grace you with their full presence and attention. I know it might not look like that right now, but I promise you this.
There will come a day when you will be tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, and upset, but then you’ll look at your phone and see:
And everything you went through will be worth it just by seeing these two words. 🙂
Do you have people in your life who are there for you as much as you are for them? What’s your experience with this? I would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂
I’ll be honest and say that this weekend wasn’t the best for me. From time to time, my mind has to release everything that has been gathered through a certain period of time. Those thoughts have to go out somewhere. This weekend was that time. Confusion came, and tears couldn’t stop pouring down my cheeks. I needed to free my emotions from the prison of my own mind.
It’s Okay To Be Emotional
You must understand, there aren’t many people who will understand how to properly express emotions in a health way. Humans are emotional, walking paradoxes. You may find us perfectly calm and calculated from the outside, while on the inside we are like a tsunami ready to storm the shore. I cannot hide my emotions and only couple of people ever saw me broken to the point where I couldn’t focus at all.
I’ll give you an example. I’m rarely upset when something happens to me personally. Of course I get anxious about it, but I’m usually pretty calm. As I mentioned, only a couple of people saw me completely broken. But when something bad is happening to the ones I love the most, now this is a whole other story.
It doesn’t matter if I’ve met you yesterday, but if you are going through something difficult, I’ll forget about my sleep, pour a big cup of coffee, and I’ll listen to whatever you want to tell me. Maybe I don’t know you that well, but I know what pain is. And everyone earned the right to be heard.
I lost sleep for the ones I care for the most so many times I lost count. And I don’t regret a single night spent awake if that meant a minute of peace for that one human that’s important to me. Due to the nature of what I do, hearing storied of tragedy, abandonment, and rejection, I had to teach myself one more thing besides that it’s okay to be emotional…
Listen And Be Vulnerable
Open up and
be vulnerable. Wear your heart on a sleeve. You will be hurt, make no mistake
about it. But life is hard enough, you will learn that lesson eventually! So before
you, do, show your emotional, vulnerable side as something you’re proud of, not
something you want to constantly hide.
Just a few
years back I didn’t have anyone who would acknowledge, and even tell me that
everything is going to be okay, or just hold my hand in silence and
understanding. I was alone, with only myself to encourage. My mind and heart
were the only ones holding the fort against loneliness and sadness.
The situation is different now, but what I want to tell you is, don’t hold back how you feel. It’s okay to be emotional. Maybe that moment will catch you in a park, bus, while hiking, at home, anywhere, but when it does, don’t swallow up how you feel.
This weekend was the time when I needed to bring some clarity to my confused mind. I talked and messaged with a couple of people that I deeply care for, to reassure myself I’m not completely alone in this.
Not many know this about me, but working as a journalist in the past, I had a chance to meet some pretty amazing people. J
So when I met Nick Vujicic, the author of “Life without Limbs”, and a famous motivational speaker, he told me something that I’ll never forget. He explained to me why tears matter, and why we should let out our emotions, why you need to be vulnerable:
“Remember this every time when you are sad or lonely. Tears clean the windows of our soul. Your emotions are what makes you unique and wonderful.”– Nick Vujicic
amazing emotions surface my friends, because I promise that you will feel
better, and see things much clearer. 😊
How often do you open up to people? How does being vulnerable and emotional impact your daily life? We would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comment section below!
Many I had the chance to speak with face this problem. The infamous social hangover that renders our energy and focus to a bare minimum is something many people experienced, including me. It goes without saying that it’s in direct connection with when we are engaged in multiple social activities for days at a time. But there’s a catch. We can only endure so much of it before we become overwhelmed and drained.
Social hangover is real
Since holidays are closing in, you only need to imagine the following scenario. You are surrounded by dozens of people, and are forced to engage in dreaded small talk over and over again. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, it won’t take long before your energy levels drop to zero.
You start feeling as if you’re suffocating, and in need of fresh air. It’s the kinda feeling we all felt at some point in our life. It’s as if the room isn’t big enough, and you get that claustrophobic sensation to desperately breathe in some fresh air.
This is all too real. Don’t get me wrong, we love our people and want to spend time with them. Humans are social creatures, and spending time with those we cherish the most is amazing! But we also need time with our own thoughts, and the holiday season renders that time almost impossible to get.
No wonder so many of us feel anxious, nervous, and under huge stress realizing, social hangover is real.
Having said that, I’ll get straight into sharing with you the three most effective ways to overcome social hangover, and to prepare for it before it happens.
3 ways to overcome a social hangover
1. Plan your exit strategy in advance.
It’s vital that you plan how you will leave the event before you reach a social
hangover moment. Determine how many hours you can stay before approaching that
limit. Remember, you are not being selfish, you are protecting yourself, and by
doing so, you will also give more focused attention to everyone around you
before you decide to leave. Carefully plan how much you can endure before you
need to recharge.
2. Expand small talk to a genuine conversation. You will inevitably experience small talk when you’re in a large crowd which is extremely draining. So when you find yourself in a situation like this, try to shift the topic you’re covering to something more meaningful. This will help reduce the social hangover dramatically. For example, if you speak with someone about a book, ask them about the main character, their actions in that specific book, or their thoughts about the message the book brings. Small talk may happen, but that doesn’t mean that you have to stay in that realm.
3. Embrace solitude as a must. I cannot stress how important this is. In order for you to recharge your batteries, you must spend a little bit of time alone, because you have to look after yourself, too. And that means lots of solitude after exhausting events, too much small talk, and being surrounded by people for large quantities of time. You don’t have to surround yourself with complete silence. Put some silent music in the background, be in nature, meditate, journal, play with your furry friend, or simply take a replenishing nap. Anything that will nurture your mind and body will do the trick.
Remember that sometimes social hangovers will happen no matter how much we try to avoid them. But by applying these three simple, but effective techniques, you will be able to conquer social hangover and give that much needed care to yourself. 🙂
What’s your experience with social hangovers? Do you have a specific technique how you approach them? We would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂
Does this sound familiar? I honestly don’t know how many times I’ve said this sentence myself. In a strange way, it’s imprinted in my mind, and I’m always on the alert when it comes out to the surface. If you are an empath, or even a HSP (highly sensitive person), you can see how the words mentioned above trigger a lot of unpleasant emotions.
I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you
So, to get straight to the point, there are two main reasons that are the cause and root of why we think we actually bother people.
1. We think they will abandon us. Many of us faced abandonment at some point in their life. And I’m no different. So when we meet someone and start to open up more and more, fear of abandonment comes into the fray. We constantly analyze what we say, how we say it, is this enough or not, is my message okay, and the list goes on. Our overthinking mind tirelessly monitors our actions, and the pressure can be incredibly overwhelming.
2. We don’t want to burden anyone. So many of us know all too well how it feels to be misunderstood and overwhelmed. To avoid this, we become so careful not to do something like that to the person we care about. That causes self-sabotage, since our brain will sometimes rather sabotage a potential friendship or a relationship, than to feel guilty about overwhelming anyone in any way. It’s like an enchanted circle that hurts, and closes our heart to the point where few people are ever able to open it again.
That’s why we’re here to remind you…
You’re not too much!
You must allow this thought to enter your mind. You are not bothering anyone! It took me years to figure this out, because the thing is, your care and concern is what people need. Many are so used to be treated badly, that when they come across someone who is so caring and understanding as you are, they get scared by it.
not your fault. It’s not your job to save everyone. What you can do is,
continue to care with all your heart. Of course you will get hurt and of course
some people will leave, but your life is not tied to the ones who do. Let them
go. Let them exit at the next train station, and focus on the ones who are with
you on this train to the end.
Don’t stop caring because someone was unable to appreciate it. If there’s something I learned, it’s that you will be too much for some people. They are not your people. As certain as the dawn, I can promise you, you will find those who will return that feedback, and give you that beautiful care and love you so earned. 🙂
One more time…
There’s nothing wrong with you, there never was. No matter how many people left, they only did that to free the space for the right ones to enter your life. These souls will stay for the ride, because they will see what I see in you while I’m writing this.
I see a kind, caring, and an understanding human being that you are. You are not bothering anyone. <3
Is the topic of this article something you can relate with? I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!