3 Simple Ways To Overcome A Social Hangover

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

Many I had the chance to speak with face this problem. The infamous social hangover that renders our energy and focus to a bare minimum is something many people experienced, including me. It goes without saying that it’s in direct connection with when we are engaged in multiple social activities for days at a time. But there’s a catch. We can only endure so much of it before we become overwhelmed and drained.

Social hangover is real

Since holidays are closing in, you only need to imagine the following scenario. You are surrounded by dozens of people, and are forced to engage in dreaded small talk over and over again. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, it won’t take long before your energy levels drop to zero.

You start feeling as if you’re suffocating, and in need of fresh air. It’s the kinda feeling we all felt at some point in our life. It’s as if the room isn’t big enough, and you get that claustrophobic sensation to desperately breathe in some fresh air.

This is all too real. Don’t get me wrong, we love our people and want to spend time with them. Humans are social creatures, and spending time with those we cherish the most is amazing! But we also need time with our own thoughts, and the holiday season renders that time almost impossible to get.

No wonder so many of us feel anxious, nervous, and under huge stress realizing, social hangover is real.   

Having said that, I’ll get straight into sharing with you the three most effective ways to overcome social hangover, and to prepare for it before it happens.

3 ways to overcome a social hangover

1. Plan your exit strategy in advance. It’s vital that you plan how you will leave the event before you reach a social hangover moment. Determine how many hours you can stay before approaching that limit. Remember, you are not being selfish, you are protecting yourself, and by doing so, you will also give more focused attention to everyone around you before you decide to leave. Carefully plan how much you can endure before you need to recharge.

2. Expand small talk to a genuine conversation. You will inevitably experience small talk when you’re in a large crowd which is extremely draining. So when you find yourself in a situation like this, try to shift the topic you’re covering to something more meaningful. This will help reduce the social hangover dramatically. For example, if you speak with someone about a book, ask them about the main character, their actions in that specific book, or their thoughts about the message the book brings. Small talk may happen, but that doesn’t mean that you have to stay in that realm.

3. Embrace solitude as a must. I cannot stress how important this is. In order for you to recharge your batteries, you must spend a little bit of time alone, because you have to look after yourself, too. And that means lots of solitude after exhausting events, too much small talk, and being surrounded by people for large quantities of time. You don’t have to surround yourself with complete silence. Put some silent music in the background, be in nature, meditate, journal, play with your furry friend, or simply take a replenishing nap. Anything that will nurture your mind and body will do the trick.

Remember that sometimes social hangovers will happen no matter how much we try to avoid them. But by applying these three simple, but effective techniques, you will be able to conquer social hangover and give that much needed care to yourself. 🙂

Love,

Marko

What’s your experience with social hangovers? Do you have a specific technique how you approach them? We would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂

I’m Sorry, I Don’t Want To Bother You

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you.

Does this sound familiar? I honestly don’t know how many times I’ve said this sentence myself. In a strange way, it’s imprinted in my mind, and I’m always on the alert when it comes out to the surface. If you are an empath, or even a HSP (highly sensitive person), you can see how the words mentioned above trigger a lot of unpleasant emotions.  

I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you

So, to get straight to the point, there are two main reasons that are the cause and root of why we think we actually bother people.

1. We think they will abandon us. Many of us faced abandonment at some point in their life. And I’m no different. So when we meet someone and start to open up more and more, fear of abandonment comes into the fray. We constantly analyze what we say, how we say it, is this enough or not, is my message okay, and the list goes on. Our overthinking mind tirelessly monitors our actions, and the pressure can be incredibly overwhelming.

2. We don’t want to burden anyone. So many of us know all too well how it feels to be misunderstood and overwhelmed. To avoid this, we become so careful not to do something like that to the person we care about. That causes self-sabotage, since our brain will sometimes rather sabotage a potential friendship or a relationship, than to feel guilty about overwhelming anyone in any way. It’s like an enchanted circle that hurts, and closes our heart to the point where few people are ever able to open it again.

That’s why we’re here to remind you…

You’re not too much!

You must allow this thought to enter your mind. You are not bothering anyone! It took me years to figure this out, because the thing is, your care and concern is what people need. Many are so used to be treated badly, that when they come across someone who is so caring and understanding as you are, they get scared by it.

But that’s not your fault. It’s not your job to save everyone. What you can do is, continue to care with all your heart. Of course you will get hurt and of course some people will leave, but your life is not tied to the ones who do. Let them go. Let them exit at the next train station, and focus on the ones who are with you on this train to the end.

Don’t stop caring because someone was unable to appreciate it. If there’s something I learned, it’s that you will be too much for some people. They are not your people. As certain as the dawn, I can promise you, you will find those who will return that feedback, and give you that beautiful care and love you so earned. 🙂

One more time…

There’s nothing wrong with you, there never was. No matter how many people left, they only did that to free the space for the right ones to enter your life. These souls will stay for the ride, because they will see what I see in you while I’m writing this.

I see a kind, caring, and an understanding human being that you are. You are not bothering anyone. <3

Love,

Marko

Is the topic of this article something you can relate with? I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!

5 Surprising Facts About Marko You Probably Didn’t Know

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

I think it’s time I share with you some details about myself that I never shared before. It dawned to me yesterday while I was daydreaming on a pleasant Saturday afternoon that here at Dauntless I always ask from you to be vulnerable, but in many instances, I don’t do the same. So it’s time to change that.

Without further delay, here are five interesting facts about me that might surprise you.

1. My INFJ discovery. When I found out that I was an INFJ (the rarest personality type), of course I was happy like all INFJs probably are when discovering this. I finally confirmed to myself that there’s nothing wrong with me. But unlike most, it did not bring me clarity. Quite the contrary. It took me some time to accept it, because I wore the extroverted mask for so long, that I believed I was one. My INFJ discovery wasn’t a pleasant beginning.

Small bonus: Couple of my close people are extroverts, so a big shout-out to them for accepting my innie nature. 🙂

2. The bullying. I was bullied most of my life. Starting from childhood, all the way to high school when it got even worse, even physical. I was the quiet kid who was always picked on, never really given a chance to be who I am. I never raised my voice and I never sought revenge. Instead, I chose my books and solitude as two best friends at the time when I had none. Not many know this, but the reason why I don’t sleep much at night is because I have nightmares on a regular basis due to the bullying I went through as a teenager.

3. Public appearance careers. Know any job where you’re in the spotlight? Well, I did most of them in the past. I was a journalist, event-organizer, announcer, human resources manager, public speaker, customer support agent… Before what I do now at Dauntless Inspiration alongside my dear friend Giselle, I did all those jobs that asked me to always be in the center of attention. For an introvert, that’s not a good combination as we rather want to stay behind the scenes.

4. New Beginning. I never left the borders of my home country for 29 years, (Serbia) before moving to Canada back in March 2018. I’m 31 now. It took me more than five years of preparation to reach the point where I am currently. Only a couple of people know the full extent of what I was going through. It wasn’t easy, but I somehow managed to pull it off. But in order to do that, I left my 9/5 job, moved to a smaller city to save money, had to fully let go the former version of myself, and lost all my friends while preparing to make that leap of faith. You must understand, not everyone agreed with me on what I wanted to do. Well, almost no one did.

5. My bigger why in life. When someone asks me what is my purpose, I only tell them: People. When you grow up lonely and without friends (I don’t have that close of a bond with my family, never did), you do your best to find your people, those who understand and accept you for who you are. My purpose in life is to be there for those I love the most. It’s to never allow the grip of loneliness to embrace them. They are few in numbers, but they are my anchors.

And now, here’s one fact I was really scared to share.

The big surprise…

As much as I want to make a global difference with Dauntless Inspiration, and I know I will do that alongside my amazing friend Giselle, there’s one thing I kept too long to myself. So it’s time for me to let it out.

The goal that pushes me forward, the reason why I travel so much, the wind behind my back, that bigger why in life I talked about to me is to sit next to someone I care for the most. Just to sit next to them. To listen and talk about something meaningful, or just simple things.

Years of isolation and focusing only on career taught me that no amount of money, influence, or power will hold your hand when you need to let it all out. It won’t hug you when you land on that airport, and it won’t tell you: “I enjoy you.”

So if life ever presents me a choice, to choose between my career I sacrificed so much for, or the people I love more than myself? Well, I will not blink twice if I ever have to make that choice. 🙂

I want you to know…

Me in Seattle, April 2019 (I had major conflict should I post a picture of myself lol!)

You will accomplish a lot in life on your own. As in, hella lot. But be vulnerable when you can, and trust the ones you cherish the most. Not because you will give your heart on a sleeve, and thus maybe allow someone to hurt you, but because this is how you’ll find the people who are meant to enter your life, and stay.

These people, the ones who stay no matter how difficult to love you believe you are (and you’re not), they will be your courage, your strength, and your light when all other lights go out.

If you haven’t found them yet, please keep searching, and know that there’s one soul writing this article who is there to listen and cheer for you, no matter what. 🙂

Love,
Marko

I literally poured my heart in this article, so I would love to hear what you think. What are your thoughts on the choices life gives us? How much are you willing to sacrifice to reach the place where you wanna be, and be with those you love?

How To Know When Enough Is Enough

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

Nothing is more powerful than a clear, conscious determination. When we want to reach a goal, few things can deter us from it. As long as we’re not hurting anyone in any way, we shouldn’t give up, because it’s in our DNA to make a difference and go that extra mile. But you need to know when to stop if what you want to accomplish is overwhelming you. Sometimes, knowing enough is enough can be difficult to see.  

Knowing when enough is enough

Don’t confuse knowing when to stop with surrendering. Stopping is not the same as giving up. When you give up on something or someone, that’s something truly unimaginable for the majority of us. It’s in human nature to stay connected and do what we can to fix the situation. But withdrawing from a person or a career that is toxic and is overwhelming us is something else entirely.

Learning how to stop can be a lifelong challenge, no mistake about it. I know so many people who are hardcore idealists, but this is how problems with knowing when its’ enough tend to appear. That persistence can blind us from seeing when enough is enough.  

When you tell yourself that you had enough of that toxic treatment from someone, or moments when you are humiliated by your boss or coworkers, that’s called courage. You’re not giving up, you are actually protecting yourself in the bravest way possible.

When you decide to withdraw in peace instead of getting into a heated argument, that’s called strength. So the question needs to be asked…

When is a good time to stop?

It depends from person to person. For example, I found out I have the rarest personality type (INFJ) when I was 25 years old. Before my INFJ finding, I played the extroverted role for so long, that I actually didn’t believe when my MBTI result showed that I’m an INFJ.

A small side-note here, many people I admire in life are extroverts, so this is in no way me saying that’s a bad thing. Actually, the INFJ personality is called the extroverted introvert. 🙂

So for me, the crucial moment was when I stopped wearing masks and fully accepted myself instead. Of course I have moments when I doubt myself. But when I decided that I had enough of pretending I’m someone else, and stopped chasing something that might look good on the surface, but could harm me in the future, everything changed.

It all looks easy when it’s written like this, does it? But let me assure you, in order for you to blossom, you need to let some people go, at least those who are toxic. I learned that I need to follow my heart and believe what my mind tells me, even if I’m alone in it. So I stopped following the crowd and started listening myself.

How will we know?

There’s no such a thing as a good time to know when enough is enough. You create that moment yourself. It’s similar when someone tells you: “I’ll do this when I’m ready”. The truth is that if you wait for the perfect moment, it will never come. There’s no such thing. It’s always a good time to do what is right, and in our case, to choose ourselves.

You’re not giving up on anyone. Some people will be against you no matter what you do, and you will be judged regardless of what you do. It’s up to you to decide will you continue that pointless pursuit, or say to yourself: “Stop, that’s enough.”

I hope you choose yourself my dear friend, because you are enough, even if there’s no one there to acknowledge it. <3

Much love,

Marko

P.S When time allows you, please feel free to join our official and private Facebook Group (now over 250 members, yay!) where you’ll be fully accepted and supported, just the way you are. We would love to see you there! 🙂

What are your thoughts on knowing when to stop and letting go? How do you handle this? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!

Difficult Truth About Making Friends

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

It’s not easy making friends. It’s difficult meeting someone new. Going through the entire process all over again when you know how many times you’ve been hurt in the past causes a lot of anxiety. Whoever told you time heals everything was wrong. It helps, but some scars remain. I should know.

Always The Outsider

As long as I can remember, I was always the outsider. Being alone is something I embrace as an introvert, but humans are social creatures. We need the presence of those we love the most in our life. But that wasn’t the case in my childhood, especially teen years.

What I’m about to share is something I never talked about publicly. So please forgive me if the words you see seem a little disjointed. It’s taking me everything I got to focus, and not burst into tears (yes, I’m that emotional).

Throughout my life, rarely did I have understanding from those closest to me. That changed couple of years back, but we’re talking about the time when my only friend was, a video game.

The validation and acceptance I desperately wanted never came. So I had to find another way to find lift myself when no else was there. I started playing video games to escape the real world and that seemed to worked, at least for a while.

I had to leave my room sometimes though. The moment that happened I faced mockery, judgment, rejection, and continuous lack of support. The worst part was that I couldn’t talk to anyone, because the society where I grew up in casts aside everyone who is different in any way.

This entire chapter of my life I described above shaped me into the person I am today, and showed me one difficult, but in a way, liberating truth.

It’s Not Easy To Make Friends

It took me almost 30 years to finally reach a point where I have a healthy support system in place. People walk out of our lives for various reasons. Some make sense, some not. So most of us have a difficult time making new friends.

This is not because there’s something wrong with you, or because you’re difficult to love. You’re not too much, and you’re not worthless. None of this is true, and I absolutely refuse to believe it.

The truth is, it’s difficult to connect with other human beings. I’m not talking about small talk or temporary business encounters. I’m talking about that genuine, deep, meaningful connection we want to have with someone.

I’ll be completely honest, there are only three people in my life with whom I managed to create that authentic bond. Even though I deeply respect those from my past that could be on this list, by their own choice they are not longer in my life so they’re not applicable to be included.

It’s not easy to make friends because we’re tired of fake relationships, temporary connections, and people who just want to use us.

However, despite the fact that meeting someone who might just be that friend we were looking for is ridiculously hard, it’s possible. 🙂

So the question is, how will we know?

You’ll Know It When It Happens

There’s no scientific method or a course that will show you how this happens. It just does. So how will you know?

You’ll just know. In you heart, you’ll feel you found this person who will be someone who’ll listen, support, love, understand, and accept you just the way you are. Unconditionally.

Deep within, down to the very core of your soul, you’ll know you found a friend. <3

Xo,
Marko

I’ve put a lot of emotions into this article, so I would love to hear your experiences with making friends in the comment section. Is this difficult for you, too?

P.S When time allows you, check out our private Facebook Group where you’ll be accepted, encouraged, supported, and listened, just the way you are. 🙂

Why People Abandon Us

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

This will be one of the most difficult articles I’ve written so far. I will try not going into too much detail, and get right on point, as abandonment is something not many of us want to analyze. We just want it to stop. This incredibly difficult moment is something almost everyone I had the chance to speak with went through, including myself.

Why people abandon us?

There are a lot of scientific explanations on how abandonment impacts the person’s mind, and how you can reduce its devastating effects. But I will not cover that. Instead, I’ll take a different approach.

Recently, a friend of mine for whom I thought would be there through thick and thin simply abandoned me. Just like that. Naturally, I tried analyzing every single scenario in the book, searching for why, how, and what did I say wrong. I must have went through a thousand different scenarios, looking for what actually happened. When I finally asked her why, all I got (taking a deep breath):

“You were too much.”

No coaching certificate, years of working with world-famous speakers and entrepreneurs, dozens of coaching clients, or hundreds of personality type written articles in the past could have prepared me for these words.

I felt as if they hurt they very core of my soul, the essence of who I am. And to this day, this and events like these are among the most painful ones I ever had to go through. If I’m honest with you, I often have nightmares because of it.

However, in a brief moment of clarity during all that confusion and sadness, I found something that instantly made me feel, well I don’t want to say better, but more focused.

None of it was your fault

I’m gonna be as clear as I possibly can here. Nothing you did or said contributed for that person to abandon you. It wasn’t your fault, none of it. It was their decision, and their decision alone, period. You did everything you could to preserve that relationship.

It’s impossible for me to say: “Move on” or “Forget about it”. We both know that’s not going to happen today. But what I will say is, when one door close, another opens. I know, sounds so cliché, right? Well it’s true. Never will you see a closed path without the universe opening another one for you. Call it however you want, but this is how life works.

Make no mistake, abandonment will hurt like hell, worse than any other nightmare you ever dreamed of. But it happened because it had to happen. Did you deserve it? Of course not! Are you a good person? Of course you are! Stop there, please my friend. Don’t dig deeper. I searched for closure in my most recent abandonment event. Yet the further I looked, the sadder I became.

When someone leaves you, grieve it, be sad about it, cry it out, but that’s not the end. I realized even as the wound was still fresh, that there will always be someone who will stay. There’s always going to be that one soul who will accept you just the way you are, and simply refuse to leave.

If you’re going through abandonment right now, or if memories of it returned, remember one thing. Don’t abandon yourself. I know how you feel, I’ve been there. But I assure you, it will hurt more if you start digging deeper and search for a closure.

You got it already. That person left without giving you the decency of a simple explanation. Let that be your closing moment. If there’s one thing our mind and heart agree with (that’s a miracle by itself), it’s that some people will choose to exit our life no matter what we say or do.

Why people abandon us? Because they’re making room for those who won’t be a mere chapter in your book of life. They will write that novel alongside with you, right to the very end. 🙂

Please remember something I already mentioned. Your value is not determined by someone inability to see it. Don’t abandon who you are and be your own greatest hero. You already are one in my book. <3

Love

Marko

Have you ever experienced abandonment? What did you do to overcome it? We would deeply appreciate to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Why You Need To Believe In Others

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

The inner strength we as humans have knows no bounds. It’s almost limitless. However, we can’t do everything alone. Believe me, I tried. Five years ago I thought that I could do everything by myself, but the only thing I succeeded is overwhelming my mind and heart. That’s why you need to put a little faith and trust in others, too.

Why it’s important to believe in others

I know that people hurt you in the past, and that you’re probably feeling hurt even now. I’m also fully aware that you might hold some reservations towards certain ones who made you cry, and made you feel as if you are not worthy. But this article is not about them.

This is about me telling you that there’s still some good left in this world. There is still kindness to be found in others. Through the dozens of emails Giselle and I receive every week, we see and feel your pain. Every sentence I read brings me back to my past when I was hurt too. I was abandoned, rejected, humiliated, and mocked more times than I can count. But I never lost faith in people.

This is an important article for me because it symbolizes that life will lead you to the right people. But this is not about me. It’s about one person who has seen something in me when I couldn’t. It’s about a person who saw that strength of my heart when it was just beating without direction. She is my inspiration, my friend, she is my hero. When I thought I couldn’t do something and when I saw gray skies above, she was and is there to remind me what matters.

All my gratitude goes to Giselle Loayza, one of the Founders of Dauntless Inspiration and one of my dearest friends. 🙂

You need to believe in people

You need to believe in people my dear friend. No matter how many times you got hurt.  This is coming from someone who perfectly understands you, and who went through a lot of painful events that left their mark. There will always be those who will never understand you, but that’s okay. Please don’t lose hope in others because of these negative experiences. They happened so that they could show you exactly who you don’t want to be.

Heroes exist. I’ve met mine, and I refuse to believe that humanity is a lost cause. Forgive them, give someone a second chance, and let go of the past, but don’t forget to protect yourself too. Believe in others, not because you want to please everyone, but because this is how you will change the world. You will change your life when you put a little faith in that someone who you see as your friend and an inspiration.

You don’t have to do this alone

Believe in others and I promise you, that kindness and belief will find its way back to you. I am an introvert, but few things recharge me more than having a meaningful talk with someone who is close to my heart.

Wear your heart on a sleeve and be vulnerable. You might get hurt and rejected, but there are far worse things than that. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, is nothing.

See, that’s why believing in others might be risky, but you only need it to happen once for you to see what amazing difference it will make. <3

Love,

Marko

How often are you vulnerable in front of those close to you? What’s your experience with opening up to others? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! 🙂

Katherine’s Story: How To Reach Your Dream In Less Than 12 Months

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

How Katherine Pomerantz Went From Freelance Actress To Successful Business Owner And Financial Expert In Less Than 12 Months With No Previous Experience


Katherine had always been what you would call a free spirit.  She grew up near Denver Colorado and enjoyed all the outdoor activities you can imagine doing in that area of the country and after college she decided to travel the world for 15 months before settling down in Norman, Oklahoma with her husband.

She found herself settling in well in Oklahoma right after getting married however she could not find work as an artist.  Getting married changed her perspective and she had two defining events happen in her life that got her to the point where she’s at now.

She started working many different jobs and was working 60 to 80 hour weeks at one point, just to make ends meet. One day at one of her jobs as a line cook she had the realization that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to buy a house on her salary plus she just couldn’t work any more hours and she became fully aware that she was in fact struggling with money.

She ended up leaving that job and took on a summer job at a theatre festival.  She needed a break, something fun to do to take her mind off things.  And that’s when the breakthrough came, as she was taking her break at work she was sitting down on the tile floor just EXHAUSTED & started looking at her phone and she came across an ad on launching your her bookkeeping business, the light bulb went on and the rest is history, as they say.

Now her accounting firm called The Bookkeeping Artist has hundreds of clients around the globe and her content reaches thousands.  Her financial expertise has been featured in Buzzfeed, Penny Hoarder and The Stacking Benjamins podcast.

Some advice on starting your own business from Katherine


There’s a big difference between education and implementation.  At some point you just have to try it and take action.  Just say YES and give it a shot.

Build out a business/life plan: get clear on what your plan is! Keep the numbers out & make it about people! What does your future look like?  What is your mission?  What are your values ?  Why are you in business? Why are you in that career or job?  Who are you helping?  What do you want to be known for?

Take your time and write all this out, it will not be enough to do this in your head. And learn to push through money blocks as a business owner.

One of the secrets to her success was overcoming her money blocks. As a business owner you can’t afford a money block taking you out of the business.  It may take you years to get over a money block however you have to keep moving despite those blocks.  Recognize when you have one, don’t let it stop you, deal with it, work on it and just bring it along with you, push through it to keep your business coming along.

The one thing you can do right now to get you on the right financial path


If you’re struggling financially, if you’re having problems with your money mindset or have any money blocks this is what you do.

You create a money story and become the Hero in it.  This is what the richest and best investors and business people in the world do when looking at their money.  They create a new relationship between them and their money.

Look at your financial reports (personal budget or bank statement), take all of the information on there and tell a story about it. If you like the story then get on board with the story.  Make sure you put money in a good light in your story.  Money will either be the hero or the villain (money blocks) in your story.

Do you struggle with fear of failure or fear of success?


Katherine recommends you learn to recognize when you are avoiding to deal with your fears or procrastination, which can be a coping mechanism.  In other words, recognize and be more self aware of when you are afraid & do it anyway.

She remembers back from her acting training that stage fright is a very real thing.  Back when she was performing in a movie or on stage sometimes in front of thousands of people it’s not that she was not afraid because stage fright it’s NEVER not present, however all her mentors and trainers always told her that if she ever was about to go on stage and she didn’t have stage fright, to quit.  This would have been proof that she didn’t care anymore.

This was the best piece of advice she ever received because she realized that she was okay with being afraid and could still act in spite of it, and you can too.

Love,
Giselle

What is your biggest takeaway from this article? Has Katherine’s story inspired you, and how? We would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂

5 Powerful Ways You Can Conquer The Fear Of Abandonment

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

Experiencing abandonment is one of the most difficult moments anyone will ever experience. The pain from it can be excruciating. So this time we will avoid giving you examples, because we were all abandoned at some point in life. The memories from these events can be extremely painful, even for us at Dauntless Inspiration.

So instead we will be direct, and share with you five effective ways you can use to approach the fear from abandonment, and overcome it!

5 Ways You Can Conquer The Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment causes us to overthink to the point of obsession. Amazing traits such as our wonderful understanding and sincere empathy are deeply affected because of this fear.

Our trademark virtues become clouded and dry instead of inspirational and joyful. Acknowledging when the fear of abandonment appears in the first place is crucial in handling it.

How to recognize the fear of abandonment

The first signs come immediately after the event that triggered the fear of abandonment. Events such as unkind words, and lack of attention and intimacy from a loved one may trigger that unpleasant fear of abandonment. These signs can vary in strength and duration, but the feeling causes us to feel anxious. In our case, we lose focus and concentration. Reactions based solely on our emotions start to take over.

Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing wrong with letting emotions take the wheel. But the problem is when that wheel is out of control. To understand fear of abandonment, hammer your emotions with negativity and the result is self-sabotage, guilt, and overthinking. When this happens, we start to see events and words that do not exist.

Even worse is when we start blaming ourselves.

Facing the fear of abandonment

According to an experienced therapist and a famous hypnotism expert Mark Tyrrell, if you have a fear of abandonment, it may stem from experiences you’ve actually had.

It also might simply be a fear of experiences you would hate to have. Tyrrell adds: “Just because someone has been abandoned at some point, it doesn’t inevitably mean they’ll come to have a morbid fear of abandonment later in life.”

Here are some amazing tips to overcome the fear of abandonment:

1. Find the root. When you focus on finding where the fear of abandonment first appeared, you can connect it with the reason why it happened. Your analytical and highly organizational mind will have no trouble connecting the dots and discovering the key reason why abandonment scares you so much.

2. Break it down on paper. It’s not easy for most of us to understand our own thoughts. Especially when they are about our deepest fears, such as abandonment. Write them on paper. They don’t have to be organized or structured. They don’t even have to make sense. Just let them out. When you write how you feel, you immediately get a clearer picture of the problem.

3. Accept that it happened. Denial kills motivation. It has double the effect on the many, because we tend to blame ourselves. We tend to forget that it wasn’t us who abandoned someone; it’s the other way around. When you fully accept the real reason, you are automatically giving yourself the permission to heal.

4. Determine possible actions. Now it’s time to act. But you don’t have to face this alone. Friends and family can be a source of great comfort in a time like this. Seek their support and advice. In case you find yourself alone, look at the abandonment event as a huge lesson. It was there to teach you something and to make you wiser. Close the chapter and open a new blank one. Know when not to go back to someone who abandoned us.

5. Make a decision. Make some sort of an agreement with yourself. Decide that no matter how hard the abandonment was, it won’t stop you from having a future fulfilling relationship or a friendship. The fear may be there, but it’s not there to stop you. It’s there to make you stronger. Fear of abandonment will disappear when you accept it, but never allow it to control you.

Fear is not real

The lack of fear doesn’t make you courageous. The truth is far more simple, yet difficult to accept. True courage lies in complete vulnerability. You will experience abandonment in your life, make no mistake about it. Accept that it happened, but don’t dwell on it.

Don’t close your heart because someone didn’t know how to appreciate that well of goodness that resides within you. Instead, leave it open, but stay cautious. Facing the fear of abandonment is far from easy, but it’s the path to emotional freedom. If there’s one thing so many value, it’s the opportunity to feel free within our own mind.

A great quote about fear, which we love reading, comes from a famous American actor Will Smith:

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Now do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”

You don’t have to be fearless our dear friend, just don’t let fear stop you.

Love,

Marko

Have you ever experienced abandonment?

What effect did it have on you and how did you face it? We would love to know your thoughts on this difficult topic in the comments below!

You Can’t Save Everyone

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

If you’re like most people, you want to save everyone. Who can blame you? Like most of us, when you see something is broken, you want to fix it. You see someone is in pain, you want to help them. It’s part of who you are. Now you’re probably thinking: “But this is what I should do, I need to be there for everyone who need me”. Well not exactly. Hear me out.

You cannot save everyone

We want to make sure that not just the people we cherish the most are safe, but also the ones around us, and pretty much everybody we meet. Whatever bad you see is happening in today’s world, it’s in human nature to try and help. However, this is when problems start to appear.

This is the unspoken truth and something you might not want to hear, but I’ll be crazy direct and honest.  You can’t save everyone, and you shouldn’t. You cannot change anyone, and you shouldn’t even try. Period.

Believe me when I say, I tried. I gave it everything I got to save my potential partners from themselves, to save my friends from their own toxic thoughts, and even my family from all the arguments. I want this article to be eye-opening for you my dear friend, because it’s not your duty to fix anyone.

I’m 31 now, and I was always the one who would try to solve and repair everything. So as weird as this sounds, I’m glad I can’t make everything right. It was a burden my shoulders could never carry. You need to remember…

People don’t need to be saved

You need someone in your life who won’t need your constant help and presence. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you should be careless and distant, but you need to understand, it’s not your job to be there for everyone all the time. The painful truth is, many people don’t want to be saved.

Many are so enjoying being the victim and nothing you do will change that pattern of behavior. You’ll actually meet heavy resistance. I had my fair share of relationships and friendships in the past when I was only called when someone needed something or when things got bad.

When everything was good, it’s like I never existed. Don’t allow yourself to be in that position, because one person needs you more than anyone else…

YOU!

Be there for the ones you love the most, but never forget to put yourself as a priority. I’ll now share something personal with you, and I’m a little nervous being this vulnerable. A good number of people contacted me in recent weeks, seeking my attention. I haven’t spoken with most of them for many months and even years.

So I decided, as much as every atom of my body wanted to, to not act on that feeling and help everyone who reached out. I chose to be there for myself, the ones who are there for me, and those who were by my side when no one else was. At that moment, I felt a sense of freedom I haven’t felt in a long time.

I felt guilty at the beginning though. But I made a conscious choice to focus on the ones who actually make the effort to reach out and show me that they care for me, too. By prioritizing the ones who see me as an important part of their life, I made myself a priority too.

Now I give my energy (which levels are drastically increased by the way) only to the few who earned it, and they return it to me in abundance. I want to make a difference in this world and reach out to as many people as possible, but I’ll always put myself first. Not because I’m selfish or arrogant, but because in the end, how will you help someone, if you can’t help yourself, dearest? <3

Love,

Marko

Have you ever been called a savior? Can you relate with what I wrote in this article? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!