Experiencing abandonment is one of the most difficult moments anyone will ever experience. The pain from it can be excruciating. So this time we will avoid giving you examples, because we were all abandoned at some point in life. The memories from these events can be extremely painful, even for us at Dauntless Inspiration.
So instead we will be direct, and share with you five effective ways you can use to approach the fear from abandonment, and overcome it!
5 Ways You Can Conquer The Fear of Abandonment
The fear of abandonment causes us to overthink to the point of obsession. Amazing traits such as our wonderful understanding and sincere empathy are deeply affected because of this fear.
Our trademark virtues become clouded and dry instead of inspirational and joyful. Acknowledging when the fear of abandonment appears in the first place is crucial in handling it.
How to recognize the fear of abandonment
The first signs come immediately after the event that triggered the fear of abandonment. Events such as unkind words, and lack of attention and intimacy from a loved one may trigger that unpleasant fear of abandonment. These signs can vary in strength and duration, but the feeling causes us to feel anxious. In our case, we lose focus and concentration. Reactions based solely on our emotions start to take over.
Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing wrong with letting emotions take the wheel. But the problem is when that wheel is out of control. To understand fear of abandonment, hammer your emotions with negativity and the result is self-sabotage, guilt, and overthinking. When this happens, we start to see events and words that do not exist.
Even worse is when we start blaming ourselves.
Facing the fear of abandonment
According to an experienced therapist and a famous hypnotism expert Mark Tyrrell, if you have a fear of abandonment, it may stem from experiences you’ve actually had.
It also might simply be a fear of experiences you would hate to have. Tyrrell adds: “Just because someone has been abandoned at some point, it doesn’t inevitably mean they’ll come to have a morbid fear of abandonment later in life.”
Here are some amazing tips to overcome the fear of abandonment:
1. Find the root. When you focus on finding where the fear of abandonment first appeared, you can connect it with the reason why it happened. Your analytical and highly organizational mind will have no trouble connecting the dots and discovering the key reason why abandonment scares you so much.
2. Break it down on paper. It’s not easy for most of us to understand our own thoughts. Especially when they are about our deepest fears, such as abandonment. Write them on paper. They don’t have to be organized or structured. They don’t even have to make sense. Just let them out. When you write how you feel, you immediately get a clearer picture of the problem.
3. Accept that it happened. Denial kills motivation. It has double the effect on the many, because we tend to blame ourselves. We tend to forget that it wasn’t us who abandoned someone; it’s the other way around. When you fully accept the real reason, you are automatically giving yourself the permission to heal.
4. Determine possible actions. Now it’s time to act. But you don’t have to face this alone. Friends and family can be a source of great comfort in a time like this. Seek their support and advice. In case you find yourself alone, look at the abandonment event as a huge lesson. It was there to teach you something and to make you wiser. Close the chapter and open a new blank one. Know when not to go back to someone who abandoned us.
5. Make a decision. Make some sort of an agreement with yourself. Decide that no matter how hard the abandonment was, it won’t stop you from having a future fulfilling relationship or a friendship. The fear may be there, but it’s not there to stop you. It’s there to make you stronger. Fear of abandonment will disappear when you accept it, but never allow it to control you.
Fear is not real
The lack of fear doesn’t make you courageous. The truth is far more simple, yet difficult to accept. True courage lies in complete vulnerability. You will experience abandonment in your life, make no mistake about it. Accept that it happened, but don’t dwell on it.
Don’t close your heart because someone didn’t know how to appreciate that well of goodness that resides within you. Instead, leave it open, but stay cautious. Facing the fear of abandonment is far from easy, but it’s the path to emotional freedom. If there’s one thing so many value, it’s the opportunity to feel free within our own mind.
A great quote about fear, which we love reading, comes from a famous American actor Will Smith:
“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Now do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”
You don’t have to be fearless our dear friend, just don’t let fear stop you.
Have you ever experienced abandonment?
What effect did it have on you and how did you face it? We would love to know your thoughts on this difficult topic in the comments below!