5 Powerful Ways You Can Conquer The Fear Of Abandonment

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

Experiencing abandonment is one of the most difficult moments anyone will ever experience. The pain from it can be excruciating. So this time we will avoid giving you examples, because we were all abandoned at some point in life. The memories from these events can be extremely painful, even for us at Dauntless Inspiration.

So instead we will be direct, and share with you five effective ways you can use to approach the fear from abandonment, and overcome it!

5 Ways You Can Conquer The Fear of Abandonment

The fear of abandonment causes us to overthink to the point of obsession. Amazing traits such as our wonderful understanding and sincere empathy are deeply affected because of this fear.

Our trademark virtues become clouded and dry instead of inspirational and joyful. Acknowledging when the fear of abandonment appears in the first place is crucial in handling it.

How to recognize the fear of abandonment

The first signs come immediately after the event that triggered the fear of abandonment. Events such as unkind words, and lack of attention and intimacy from a loved one may trigger that unpleasant fear of abandonment. These signs can vary in strength and duration, but the feeling causes us to feel anxious. In our case, we lose focus and concentration. Reactions based solely on our emotions start to take over.

Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing wrong with letting emotions take the wheel. But the problem is when that wheel is out of control. To understand fear of abandonment, hammer your emotions with negativity and the result is self-sabotage, guilt, and overthinking. When this happens, we start to see events and words that do not exist.

Even worse is when we start blaming ourselves.

Facing the fear of abandonment

According to an experienced therapist and a famous hypnotism expert Mark Tyrrell, if you have a fear of abandonment, it may stem from experiences you’ve actually had.

It also might simply be a fear of experiences you would hate to have. Tyrrell adds: “Just because someone has been abandoned at some point, it doesn’t inevitably mean they’ll come to have a morbid fear of abandonment later in life.”

Here are some amazing tips to overcome the fear of abandonment:

1. Find the root. When you focus on finding where the fear of abandonment first appeared, you can connect it with the reason why it happened. Your analytical and highly organizational mind will have no trouble connecting the dots and discovering the key reason why abandonment scares you so much.

2. Break it down on paper. It’s not easy for most of us to understand our own thoughts. Especially when they are about our deepest fears, such as abandonment. Write them on paper. They don’t have to be organized or structured. They don’t even have to make sense. Just let them out. When you write how you feel, you immediately get a clearer picture of the problem.

3. Accept that it happened. Denial kills motivation. It has double the effect on the many, because we tend to blame ourselves. We tend to forget that it wasn’t us who abandoned someone; it’s the other way around. When you fully accept the real reason, you are automatically giving yourself the permission to heal.

4. Determine possible actions. Now it’s time to act. But you don’t have to face this alone. Friends and family can be a source of great comfort in a time like this. Seek their support and advice. In case you find yourself alone, look at the abandonment event as a huge lesson. It was there to teach you something and to make you wiser. Close the chapter and open a new blank one. Know when not to go back to someone who abandoned us.

5. Make a decision. Make some sort of an agreement with yourself. Decide that no matter how hard the abandonment was, it won’t stop you from having a future fulfilling relationship or a friendship. The fear may be there, but it’s not there to stop you. It’s there to make you stronger. Fear of abandonment will disappear when you accept it, but never allow it to control you.

Fear is not real

The lack of fear doesn’t make you courageous. The truth is far more simple, yet difficult to accept. True courage lies in complete vulnerability. You will experience abandonment in your life, make no mistake about it. Accept that it happened, but don’t dwell on it.

Don’t close your heart because someone didn’t know how to appreciate that well of goodness that resides within you. Instead, leave it open, but stay cautious. Facing the fear of abandonment is far from easy, but it’s the path to emotional freedom. If there’s one thing so many value, it’s the opportunity to feel free within our own mind.

A great quote about fear, which we love reading, comes from a famous American actor Will Smith:

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Now do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.”

You don’t have to be fearless our dear friend, just don’t let fear stop you.

Love,

Marko

Have you ever experienced abandonment?

What effect did it have on you and how did you face it? We would love to know your thoughts on this difficult topic in the comments below!

How To Easily Overcome Perfectionism

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

Overcoming perfectionism is one of those goals we believe it’s nearly impossible to overcome. Not because it’s some kind of an invincible force, but because perfectionism carries a burden heavier and more difficult than most emotions. And we are all about learning, improving, and moving forward. I am a perfectionist myself sometimes, I admit it. But I found an effective and an easy way to overcome it.

Overcoming perfectionism through acceptance

Imagine you are a main character in a video game. We all know that in every video game there’s a main quest you need to complete, and then there are optional ones. When you finish the main story, you win, and the game thanks you for your time and rewards you in some way. Good feeling, right? But there’s something you feel is missing still.

Remember the optional quests? As with overcoming perfectionism, your thoughts that are not vital for your daily decision making are preventing you to be fully happy you reach your destination. It should be enough that you completed the task. But you sense you’re not fully satisfied. Your mind simply didn’t have enough. You haven’t completed the optional quest, so now you feel that what you did is mediocre.

You feel as if you didn’t do a good job. So you start being hard on yourself, how could you miss something like this, and why it’s still not enough. Surely, the result would be much better if you did everything perfectly? Wrong. I deliberately used a video game example because at the end of every game when you complete the main story, you’ve won! No questions asked. It was enough, accept that. Same with overcoming perfectionism.

You did more than enough

Overcoming perfectionism is not about doing every single detail, task, or a quest, and bringing it to a perfection, because there’s no such thing. There is no such thing as perfect. My dear friend and one of the founders of Dauntless Inspiration, Giselle, always tells me to give it my all, but that I should be happy with the result, no matter what it is, period. Her wise words finally found their way into my mind.

Like the main character in our video game, you did your best and you gave your maximum. That is enough. Please don’t get me wrong, going that extra mile is important, but not at the price of your health and happiness. When you finish a task, don’t doubt the result. Instead acknowledge that you did everything which was in your power to complete it.

Overcoming perfectionism is all about recognizing that your effort gave you the result you wanted. You must understand, there’s a difference between going the extra mile, and just pushing yourself for no good reason. I should know, because I used to push myself beyond my breaking point regularly which only caused overwhelm and anxiety.

Remember, it’s okay to strive towards the best possible solution. But please don’t lose yourself in that journey. What good is the result if you are just too overwhelmed and tired to enjoy it in the end?

Pat yourself on the back, because you did enough. Enjoy in what you accomplished, smile, and be happy about it. You deserve that smile. 😊

Love,

Marko

Are you a perfectionist? What’s your experience with perfectionism? We would love to hear from you in the comments below!

Establishing Healthy Boundaries: The Ultimate Self-Care Act

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Hi friends,

Establishing healthy boundaries is vital for our self-care. This action alone can save us from so much negativity, external pressure, and draw lines we should never cross. However, it’s always easier said than done. But you need to establish these boundaries, no matter how difficult they may seem at first glance.

Why we need healthy boundaries

Have you ever watched the movie with Jim Carrey “Yes Man”? Well if you didn’t, spoiler alert. The main character is filled with constant business and lack of self-respect, so one day he decides to say yes to every request he’s been given (I was there, too). Without going into the reasons why he did this, I’ll tell you why this would be an absolute disaster.

Saying yes to everything and everyone is a clear example of the lack of boundaries. If you’re having trouble with this, please don’t blame yourself, because you haven’t done anything wrong. You are just a compassionate and understanding human, and you would rather sacrifice your own well-being than cause a potential conflict, which is perfectly reasonable. But you need to draw a line somewhere.

When you say no to going out into a crowded, noisy pub, or when you say no to a social gathering where you know you will be overwhelmed, you are saying yes to yourself. You are saying yes to spending the night watching Netflix and eating ice cream, simply enjoying. You are saying yes to sweet solitude or the company of that one special person with whom you can talk about the stars or your favorite book characters. You are saying yes to what you really want to do. 🙂

This is why we need to create healthy boundaries.

It’s not your job to indulge everyone

Establishing healthy boundaries is not just about saying no, it goes much deeper. It’s when you say to your dearest ones you need some time alone, and when you need time to figure out and handle your emotions. This is one of the ultimate act of self-care we need to give ourselves.

Your true friends, the people who are meant to stay in your life will never think about your boundary as a selfish act. They will fully respect and honor it, and those who don’t? Well, then you have to ask yourself is this the friendship or a relationship that I want in my life.

It’s not your job to indulge everyone and to say yes to every demand. This is a one way ticket to overwhelm, anxiety, and lack of self-respect. When you’re saying no to something you know it will not feel comfortable, you’re saying yes to yourself and opening the doors for doing what makes you happy.

Remember, those who genuinely love you will never take your “no” as an insult. They will accept it as a sign of respect. Most importantly, they will understand, and these are the people you should have in your life.

So the next time when you’re about to make an important decision, put yourself first my dear friend. You’re not arrogant, you’re simply giving yourself the same attention that you so selflessly give to everyone else. You earned that respect from you, too.

Give a little kindness to yourself by creating boundaries that will not just benefit you and your gentle being, but also deepen those connections you have with the people you cherish the most. It will be worth it. 🙂

Love,

Marko

What’s your experience with creating healthy boundaries? As always, we would love to hear your thoughts and insights on this in the comments below!

How To Effectively Conquer Loneliness

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Dear friend,

Loneliness is the biggest obstacle slowing us down on the road to reaching happiness. Not many feelings cause so much anxiety and sadness. The fact that separates loneliness from other roadblocks on our road to fulfillment is that it can show its face anytime and anywhere. So conquering it is extremely difficult.

Why is overcoming loneliness so hard?

Have you ever found yourself surrounded by a huge crowd of people, hearing the sound of dreaded small talk, plus sensing judgmental eyes looking straight at you? This alone makes many of us feel lonelier than almost any other situation. Even to this day I keep hearing: “He is so weird”, because I love spending hours in bookstores alone, and because I would rather have a relaxed evening with a friend than go clubbing in a pub.

If I’m honest, I feel lonely where I am currently. This is not permanent of course, because there are many moments when happiness does find its way to my face and makes me smile. But my loneliness comes from the knowledge that everyone I hold dear live thousands of miles away. Luckily, social media gives me the chance to communicate with those I cherish the most on a daily basis.

In the past, I would follow my career and where it took me would be an okay place for me to be. Now it’s much different. Having sacrificed years of my life to have a career I love and doing what I really want to do, I became extremely lonely as a consequence of that choice. However, there are positive changes happening. 🙂

Overcoming loneliness can be hard, because so many of us often feel misunderstood and rejected. We feel that no one understands us and that we are all alone in our way of thinking. It’s not easy to win the battle against feeling lonely, but it is definitely possible. In order to do that you need to…

Fully Embrace Who You Are

If you want to overcome loneliness you need shake off doubt. Shake of the self-criticism. There is enough of that from others around us. Make yourself your own biggest support. Train, no sorry, order your mind to be your ally.

I’m not saying that loneliness will magically disappear once you speak with your inner self. In fact, it will still be there. But only you can decide will it put you on your knees or propel you to your dreams.

When you do feel lonely, know that feeling is not there to stop you. It’s there to show you that you can do this. Wherever you are right now, and whatever thoughts are rushing through your gentle mind, remember this. Everything that comes your way is not more than you can handle.

Accept your own company, because this is the foundation of how you can reduce the effect of loneliness and conquer it completely. Do whatever makes you feel fulfilled at that given moment, no matter how small it may seem. Take yourself out, indulge yourself, spend some time with you own thoughts and with those you love the most, and I promise you will a better! But before you let someone else in your life, you need to feel comfortable with yourself.

Know that every single event, person, word or feeling that made you feel lonely was there to teach you something. It entered your life to tell you what I’m about to.

Loneliness Is A Road-Sign To Success

Feeling lonely doesn’t feel good, but it has a purpose. It’s there to show you that you are capable of handling everything life throws at you and propel you to where you really want to be. Overcoming loneliness requires strength that you already have, and people will see this, they will be drawn to it.

Do not despair if you feel misunderstood or judged because of who you are. This doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It means you are unique, and that those few, selected ones will understand you. They will be drawn to your mystical, kind, generous nature, and they will embrace it. Just like they will accept you for who you are.

This is not something that might happen. People who are meant to be in your life will come to you and stay. This will happen my friend. It’s only a matter of time, that’s all. Until it does, know that you are enough, you always were. 🙂

Have you ever felt lonely? What is your experience with this? We would love to hear from you in the comments below!

Love,

Marko

My Empathy Is Not A Weakness

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Hi friend,

Empathy is one of the most powerful forces in nature. It’s also one of those feelings that you can’t have too much of. It can sometimes cause certain discomfort, but what it represents if far more meaningful. Having a strong sense of understanding like this is not something you should be ashamed of.

My problem with expressing care

A while back, a fair number of my coaching clients asked me is empathy actually a weakness. My answer was always the same, of course not. I firmly believe that deep feelings and understanding we have for the emotions of those around us can’t be a bad thing.

However, as much as I hate to admit it, I didn’t always think like this. In the past, when I was going through a genuine identity crisis, as I couldn’t find my purpose in life, I thought that hiding my care and concern would help me reach that goal faster.

So I started playing the “I don’t care” card. The only thing I managed to accomplish by doing this is to be more lonely and isolated. Mind you, I’m an introvert, so solitude is something I fully embrace. But being alone and lonely are two very different things.

Misguided by the opinions of others, I started believing that empathy is actually a weakness. Good thing is, it didn’t take long for me to realize how wrong I was, and how this decision was impacting my life.

I’m glad I went through this experience of seeing empathy through crooked lens, so that I can share with you why it’s actually one of our biggest strengths. 🙂

Strong Empathy Is Not A Weakness

Empathy represents care, goodness, and kindness that can radiate from anyone. There’s no such thing as being overly empathic. You’ll rarely find a more wonderful feeling than giving support to a person who is suffering, or just needs a listening ear.

It’s not just the fact that it’s our greatest strength, but it also represents us. When you show this pure, loving emotion of genuine care, all the doors will open for you. People will share their stories with you, they’ll trust you, and you’ll be able to establish deep, meaningful connections all of us strive to have.

Furthermore, understanding that empathy is not a weakness will bring you a level of self-acceptance many never manage to achieve. You’ll be able to understand yourself better, and reach your purpose using that surge of powerful emotions.

No one is telling you that you need to carry all the problems of the world on your back, or that you should feel what everyone else feels. This would be extremely overwhelming and impossible.

Try to channel your empathy on those closest to you first. This is the best way you can learn to direct that concern to those you love, but also train yourself to keep it under control.

Speaking of control…

Empathy needs to have a boundary

As I said before, it’s not your duty to save everyone. People don’t want to be saved, they want to be listened and acknowledged. This is why empathy is not a weakness, because it gives you the ability to do more than just listening. It gives you the chance to share the pain with that special someone, and be there to help them go through it.

So the next time when your partner, friend, or a family member is going through a difficult time, don’t hesitate. Act on that signal your empathy is sending you and listen. It’s not going to be easy to see our loved ones struggling, but I promise you that your empathic presence will make things more bearable.

Whenever you hear that empathy is a weakness, and if you experience judgment because you are an empath, be proud of yourself. Because despite everything bad that happens around us, you my dear friend chose another path. You chose to be kind, generous, and understanding. You took the road less traveled and you’re making a beautiful difference. 🙂

Love,

Marko

How strong is your empathy? Would you say it’s a strength, too? I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!

P.S Make sure you like our Dauntless Inspiration Facebook Page, and stay tuned for some exciting news we will announce soon! 🙂

Why You Should Expand, Not Leave Your Comfort Zone

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Hi my friend,

I never believed that leaving your comfort zone brings success. You will hear these words almost everywhere. Coaches use it, commercials advertise it, and even people close to us advice it. Upon hearing this, I always asked myself: “Why should I leave something if it makes me feel comfortable? Why not just expand it, rather than leave it completely?”

My comfort zone story

The truth is, people who give this advice mean good. There is really no harm behind their words. But for many, they can spark anxiety and overwhelm. Lot of people don’t like rapid and sudden changes, and instead thrive on careful planning, calculation, and preparation. Truth is, we would rather do it in a calm and a calculated fashion.

Almost two years ago, I relocated to another continent, half across the globe, and started living in Calgary (Canada) alone in order to find my bigger why. My family members and friends were surprised by my decision to say the least. So I received praises like: “Good job! You’re leaving your comfort zone, that’s why you’ll succeed.”

However, what they didn’t see were the months of planning and preparations before making it this trip. I planned all the major details, to make sure that my comfort zone is going with me on this journey. For me, it was a small laptop and a tiny diary that could fit in my pocket. 🙂

Even though I did leave my comfort zone and made this radical change, I did it after I planned everything that I possibly could. You see, I’m like a walking planner. I try to foresee every possible outcome, good and bad, before I make a decision. This situation was no different.

What many close to me failed to realize back then was, I wasn’t leaving my zone of comfort entirely. I was actually expanding it.

How does expanding your comfort zone works?

Imagine the expansion of a comfort zone as walking. When you make that first step, you are expanding it. The second step that follows is your comfort zone. So you are basically bringing it with you everywhere you go. Like a friendly shadow.

Sure, walking is not running and it’s slower. But it’s more peaceful, calm, it gives you freedom of choice, ability to choose which road to take without rushing, and you’re doing all this with the comfort of not having to speed up things.

Leaving the place that makes you feel secure is not a guarantee of success. Far from it. There’s nothing wrong of taking it with you. Whatever you plan to do, whether it’s a career, relationship, or other important decision, you don’t have to abandon the safety that gives you confidence. Bring it with you on your journey, because it will be a game changer for you.

It’s your decision in the end

Whatever advice or insight you may hear from others, it’s your decision in the end. Reaching your goal can be accomplished even when you are carrying that gentle turtle shell with you that makes you feel safe. We all have different paths, but remember that it’s up to you to decide how you will make your plans a reality.

Your comfort zone may give you the necessary strength to fulfill your dreams. Don’t leave it, expand it instead. For me, it was a small laptop filled with thoughts I gathered throughout the years. For you, it can be whatever you desire it to be. One quote from an unknown author wonderfully describes the feelings of so many when comfort zone is being described:

“You have no idea how far out of my comfort zone my entire life is.”

So you see my dear friend, we need that comfort, more than anything. Embrace it as a fuel to propel yourself, and be all that you can be! 🙂

Love,

Marko

What are your thoughts on expanding your comfort zone rather than leaving it? I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments below!

3 key reasons why Self-Development needs to be your priority

Posted on by Marko Kircanski

Hi friends,

Few things matter more in life than establishing priorities. Because we’re all different, we are bound to focus on all sorts of things that’ll make that difference for us. For some, it’s career, solitude, while for others it’s nurturing relationships, while some seek balance. However, not many have fully mastered the skill of focusing on something that they see as a healthy, primary goal in life.

Why Self-Development needs to be a priority

As much as humans are social creatures, we need to spend time in solitude too. Part of that time needs to be spent in resting and recuperating. However, we can also do something that not many are prepared to do unfortunately.

Self-Development makes such an important difference because it gives us the chance to improve so many aspects of who we are. It doesn’t matter whether you want to work on your daily habits, change your way of thinking, or improve your communication, it’s all vital for your development as a person.

When I was a teenager and going through the most difficult time in my life (bullying, lack of support from my family, and no friends at all), I didn’t realize how much working on myself would be beneficial. In a way, I was avoiding to admit it was time for me to turn inwards a little bit more. So I was stagnating in every sense of the word, allowing the toxic environment to swallow me without even trying to resist.

Please know, I understand that sometimes circumstances can be so hard that the last thing on our mind is self-development and making it a priority. We just want to survive the day and reach the comfort of our bed. Trust me, I’ve been there. But that’s why this inner work is so vital, because it gives you a chance to encourage and lift yourself up, even when there’s no one there to help you do it.

For that reason, I’m sharing with you three critical reasons why Self-Development needs to be your priority.

1. You’ll find your purpose and your bigger why in life. When you start focusing on what you really want to do and where you want to be, it’s inevitable for you to find your purpose. By continuously working on that dream and goal of yours, you’re allowing the universe to open doors you never knew existed.

2. You’ll attract other like-minded souls who will support you. No matter what you believe in, whether it’s God, Universe, Karma, or Energy, your actions and behavior will attract others who will share your values. Self-Development is like a universal call to everyone who wants to support you on this journey, and that’s exactly what you’ll get.  🙂

3. You’ll find your calling. There are so many people who are unhappy with what they do. But when you actively work on what makes your heart sing, that career you have been waiting for will find it’s way to you through just one simple email, phone call, or a message. This is not something that “might” happen, but rather something that will happen.

Remind yourself that we maybe can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can choose how to react to it. By making Self-Development one of your priorities, you’re giving yourself permission to reach something most people never manage to do. It’s to experience that ever-elusive victory within.

Here at Dauntless inspiration, we will actively encourage you to be who you are, regardless of what anyone else says or does. You’re not selfish by focusing on yourself, because you earned that right. The right people, the ones who are meant to be in your life will support you in this noble quest.

Co-Founder of DI, Giselle Loayza and I are one of them. You are not alone my friend. 🙂

It’s your turn

Where is Self-Development on your priority list? How important it is for you? As always, we would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. 🙂

Xo,

Marko