It’s painfully difficult to stay true to ourselves in today’s modern world. We are our own worst critics, adding this to the mixture. Every action and spoken word will go through a detailed analysis in our mind before a decision has been made. However, this way of thinking brings us to the next question…
Who are we actually? So…
How do you know who you are?
I had an interesting talk with a taxi driver recently while going to my favorite coffee shop. It’s not a long distance, but he wanted to have a more meaningful talk with me, so being an INFJ I happily accepted. 🙂
It got to a question who we are. He asked me, and I only said, I’m Marko, currently someone who is trying to figure out what is the next chapter of my life, and why I keep giving so much to those who give so little to me.
The taxi driver stopped the car (red light of course), turned his head in disbelief, and was probably thinking I am crazy. Mind you, this is Serbia we are talking about, a small country that is extremely close minded and not open to individual values and qualities. Many don’t even know what being an introvert means.
It was my turn to asking the drive who he is. And of course, he said exactly what I expected him to say. “I’m a taxi driver for 15 years, before that my company fired me, before that I worked in real estate, I have a wife, two kids, I live in a terrible neighborhood…
“This is not who you are” I said. “How so?” he replied. I told him that he only told me what is his career, what happened to him, who he loves, and where he lives, but not who he really is.
“Who are you really, when you are not driving, when you are not with your family, and when you are not in your home”?
I’ll never forget the moment when this elderly man took of his glasses and said: “I don’t know… I guess I forgot…” The sadness in his eyes is something that will stay with me for a long time. Unfortunately, he is not the only one who has this way of thinking…
Here’s the truth…
Many with whom I had the chance to speak with connect who they are with their career. Some with people who are in their life, and others with the place where they are at the moment. None of this defines you. There is zero correlation with what you do, who is your friend or partner, and where you live with who you really are. That conclusion comes from within.
So now I’m going to share with you three scary scenarios why is this mindset so terrifying. What you read here won’t be easy to digest, but I want to show you that you are enough.
My work completes me. Your career and what you do is not a measurement of success. You are not what you do. Let me ask you something. If you are what you do, then what are you when you are doing nothing?
This person is my other half. First of all, you are not a half. You are already a complete whole. It’s wonderful having that special someone, but you don’t need anyone to complete you, because you are already enough, a thousand times enough!
I live in the place of my dreams. There’s nothing wrong in loving the place where you are. But that location is only that, a simple location. If you don’t find peace within first, I promise you, you’ll not find it on the other side of the globe, no matter where you go. Look within, this is your “location”.
Everything you just read wasn’t meant to discourage you, quite the contrary. Let your work fill you with joy, allow that special someone to hug you and feel that love, and give yourself the permission to relocate to a far-away land where you will feel happy. Please do all of that, my dear friend. 🙂
But while you are doing this, I want you to know, you are the only person on the face of the Earth who has that permission to look in the mirror and say: “This is who I am.” No one else can do this for you. Not your family, not your friends, partners, or coworkers, only you.
I guess what I’m trying to tell you is…
YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO BE!
How would you respond if someone asked you: “Who are you?” What would you say? I would love to see your thoughts in the comment section below! 🙂
No article today. I won’t cover a specific topic, or tell you what to do if something happens etc… I won’t give you any examples either. Today, I just have few words I would like you to hear. These come straight from the heart, followed by a few tears…
Don’t you dare chasing anyone!
Don’t you dare chasing anyone for love and affection. Don’t you dare shrinking yourself so that others may like you, or see you in a different way. We’re all meant to shine with our own unique light, so that all those authentic souls may find they way to you.
Those who will actually fight for you and won’t give up on who you are.
Don’t you dare begging anyone to call you, message you, or stay with you. Your purpose on this Earth is not to persuade anyone that you are worthy of love. You got that right the moment you were born, the moment you took your first breath, you were and are worthy of being cherished for who you are.
If someone, for whatever reason can’t or won’t give you the love and care you earned, then there’s no need to chase that affection. If they won’t give it to you willingly, wish them all the best, and let them go.
Now, I need you to see and hear what I’m about to say.
You are enough
You will be hurt. Life will teach you that lesson, do not doubt that for a single moment. You will experience pain of rejection and abandonment. But you will also feel love, kindness, goodness, and that genuine concern that will make your days filled with pure joy.
So don’t you dare chasing for their love. You earned it, just by being you. You earned it the moment you opened your eyes, and allow no one to convince you differently.
You are not difficult to love. You are enough.
I would love to hear from you in the comments below, how are you feeling about the upcoming Holidays? Do they make you feel good, or perhaps lonely? Feel free to share your thoughts, you will be listened here. 🙂
This is the time when New Year resolutions are being made. People see this event as extremely important, because it’s believed that the decisions made now will be effective throughout the next year. I know so many who create specific lists with exact dates by when will they accomplish something. However, at some point I had to ask myself one question…
Are New Year resolutions really needed?
Every time when I would make a New Year resolution, it put a tremendous pressure on me. I felt as if no matter what, I had to make it happen. And while carrying that pressure, I had to work on all the problems daily life brings.
So instead of feeling fulfillment for making a New Year resolution, I started feeling overwhelmed. And as time passed by, it would happen that I miss a date by when I told myself that I will earn more money, travel to my next destination, or overthink less.
Life had other plans. As I was looking at the paper where I wrote all these resolutions, I only saw something that made me feel anxious instead of happy. I saw something that made me to compare myself to others instead feeling that inner peace.
Bottom line, I felt miserable. Sure, some goals were met. But being the perfectionist that I am, I knew that I won’t be pleased until I reach every single goal on that paper. Because if I don’t, I would feel as if I can’t even honor my own words from just few months back.
So I realized…
No more New Year resolutions
I’m not saying you should live day by day and not thinking about the future. That’s a different story. But there’s no need to wait for a certain month of the year, so that you can decide to do something for the next one.
Time is a concept only humans have. Only we use clocks, and human beings are the only ones who measure years, months, days, hours, minutes… We are under this constant pressure to do everything on time.
Earn more, travel more, do more of that, do less of this, and the list goes on and on… It was like this for me until this year when I made a choice. Never again will I make New Year resolutions and ask myself are they needed.
The reason why?
I don’t want to plan every step of my journey.
Be here, now!
Instead of focusing on a New Year resolution, why not just trying to enter 2020 with a fresh start? 🙂
What happened in 2019, happened. We can’t turn the clock backwards, but we can be in the present moment.
Why not simply make a choice to slow down, to smile more, to cry when you need to, to have more chocolate ice cream, to dance in the rain, to play video games while having your favorite coffee, see your friends more often, take yourself out to dinner, or to enjoy reading your favorite book in a quet coffee shop while it’s snowing outside?
Let me tell you a secret. You don’t even have to make that choice. Just do it!
You can do all that whenever you want to, 365 days a year, you don’t have to wait for December!
Go do your thing! Something good might happen, something bad might happen, you might fail, you might feel sad, abandoned, or happy, or in love, but nothing will happen if you make New Year resolutions a must just because everyone else do them, and because you believe you need them.
You don’t need a plan to live your life. You just have to embrace the fact that it will happen, whether you plan it or not.
I have no idea what 2020 is going to bring. I honestly have no clue. Coming from someone who planned almost every step of the way, that can be a scary thought, looking into the unknown.
But I tell you what? The unknown can sometimes be pretty awesome. You have to allow life to happen. You just need to take one step at a time. 🙂
What are your thoughts on New Year resolutions? What’s your experience with them, and how do they make you feel? We would love to hear from you in the comment section below!
It can be so difficult to find people who will actually be there. It took me almost 31 years before I found people who are always there for me, no matter what. But the road to reaching that point was more difficult that I could have ever imagined. The reason was simple.
I Was The Only One Who Was Always There
In the past, I was the one who would send that first message or start the conversation. It doesn’t matter how close I was to that person, if I would stop reaching out and being there, I would never hear from them ever again.
This pattern kept repeating itself to the point where I started losing hope that something will ever change for the better. But this wasn’t just about mere presence. The lack of response triggered deep traumas from my past.
Even though I had what you call a regular childhood, that was only a mirage. The reality was that I felt lonely for most of my life. Imagine writing something that’s important to you to someone close only to never receive a response, or get one after a few days with only a nonchalant: “Oh I forgot to respond back.”
Understand, this was something that was happening for years to me. I almost decided one day few years back that I don’t need anyone, and that I’m okay on my own. Luckily, I was wrong regarding that. But I still felt like I’m a merely option to everyone back then.
Because I don’t want you to go through what I did, here’s a small letter to You who are always there.
My Letter To Everyone Who Are always There
I just returned from a small weekend getaway where I took some time to recharge, and hear my own thoughts for the first time in a long time. I’m a firm believer that we sometimes need to silence the external world in order to hear our own clearer.
However, even though I was mostly offline, I kept communicating with only one person on a regular basis. Apart from this amazing human, I made a conscious decision not to message with almost anyone else, as like I said, I needed time to re-align myself.
I had so many incredibly meaningful conversations with this amazing human during my weekend getaway from social media. The surefire way you can know when these talks are impactful is when you completely lose the track of time.
It’s when you forget about the fact you ordered food half an hour ago and you’re perfectly okay with it because you received and are listening a lovely new song, or laughing at a wonderful meme they sent you. It’s when you need help choosing the right sweater (Yes, I’m terrible at shopping for myself lol), and you get complete support in choosing the right one after just one message. 🙂
Because of this, and so many other reasons that would need at least a thousand more pages for me to write to explain it, I’m there for this wonderful person no matter what happens. And I want to tell you something. Be there for those incredible souls like the one I just described, always.
You know why?
Because you’re going to forget all about those who left. You won’t think twice about those who hurt you, or even blink at the mention of the ones who told you you were too much. You will simply be too busy being there for those who are there for you too.
Please trust that you will find the people who will grace you with their full presence and attention. I know it might not look like that right now, but I promise you this.
There will come a day when you will be tired, overwhelmed, exhausted, and upset, but then you’ll look at your phone and see:
And everything you went through will be worth it just by seeing these two words. 🙂
Do you have people in your life who are there for you as much as you are for them? What’s your experience with this? I would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂
Nothing is more powerful than a clear, conscious determination. When we want to reach a goal, few things can deter us from it. As long as we’re not hurting anyone in any way, we shouldn’t give up, because it’s in our DNA to make a difference and go that extra mile. But you need to know when to stop if what you want to accomplish is overwhelming you. Sometimes, knowing enough is enough can be difficult to see.
Knowing when enough is enough
confuse knowing when to stop with surrendering. Stopping is not the same as
giving up. When you give up on something or someone, that’s something truly unimaginable
for the majority of us. It’s in human nature to stay connected and do what we
can to fix the situation. But withdrawing from a person or a career that is
toxic and is overwhelming us is something else entirely.
to stop can be a lifelong challenge, no mistake about it. I know so many people
who are hardcore idealists, but this is how problems with knowing when its’
enough tend to appear. That persistence can blind us from seeing when enough is
When you tell yourself that you had enough of that toxic treatment from someone, or moments when you are humiliated by your boss or coworkers, that’s called courage. You’re not giving up, you are actually protecting yourself in the bravest way possible.
When you decide to withdraw in peace instead of getting into a heated argument, that’s called strength. So the question needs to be asked…
When is a good time to stop?
It depends from person to person. For example, I found out I have the rarest personality type (INFJ) when I was 25 years old. Before my INFJ finding, I played the extroverted role for so long, that I actually didn’t believe when my MBTI result showed that I’m an INFJ.
A small side-note here, many people I admire in life are extroverts, so this is in no way me saying that’s a bad thing. Actually, the INFJ personality is called the extroverted introvert. 🙂
So for me, the crucial moment was when I stopped wearing masks and fully accepted myself instead. Of course I have moments when I doubt myself. But when I decided that I had enough of pretending I’m someone else, and stopped chasing something that might look good on the surface, but could harm me in the future, everything changed.
It all looks easy when it’s written like this, does it? But let me assure you, in order for you to blossom, you need to let some people go, at least those who are toxic. I learned that I need to follow my heart and believe what my mind tells me, even if I’m alone in it. So I stopped following the crowd and started listening myself.
How will we know?
There’s no such a thing as a good time to know when enough is enough. You create that moment yourself. It’s similar when someone tells you: “I’ll do this when I’m ready”. The truth is that if you wait for the perfect moment, it will never come. There’s no such thing. It’s always a good time to do what is right, and in our case, to choose ourselves.
You’re not giving up on anyone. Some people will be against you no matter what you do, and you will be judged regardless of what you do. It’s up to you to decide will you continue that pointless pursuit, or say to yourself: “Stop, that’s enough.”
I hope you choose yourself my dear friend, because you are enough, even if there’s no one there to acknowledge it. <3
P.S When time allows you, please feel free to join our official and private Facebook Group (now over 250 members, yay!) where you’ll be fully accepted and supported, just the way you are. We would love to see you there! 🙂
What are your thoughts on knowing when to stop and letting go? How do you handle this? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!
It’s not easy making friends. It’s difficult meeting someone new. Going through the entire process all over again when you know how many times you’ve been hurt in the past causes a lot of anxiety. Whoever told you time heals everything was wrong. It helps, but some scars remain. I should know.
Always The Outsider
As long as I can remember, I was always the outsider. Being alone is something I embrace as an introvert, but humans are social creatures. We need the presence of those we love the most in our life. But that wasn’t the case in my childhood, especially teen years.
What I’m about to share is something I never talked about publicly. So please forgive me if the words you see seem a little disjointed. It’s taking me everything I got to focus, and not burst into tears (yes, I’m that emotional).
Throughout my life, rarely did I have understanding from those closest to me. That changed couple of years back, but we’re talking about the time when my only friend was, a video game.
The validation and acceptance I desperately wanted never came. So I had to find another way to find lift myself when no else was there. I started playing video games to escape the real world and that seemed to worked, at least for a while.
I had to leave my room sometimes though. The moment that happened I faced mockery, judgment, rejection, and continuous lack of support. The worst part was that I couldn’t talk to anyone, because the society where I grew up in casts aside everyone who is different in any way.
This entire chapter of my life I described above shaped me into the person I am today, and showed me one difficult, but in a way, liberating truth.
It’s Not Easy To Make Friends
It took me almost 30 years to finally reach a point where I have a healthy support system in place. People walk out of our lives for various reasons. Some make sense, some not. So most of us have a difficult time making new friends.
This is not because there’s something wrong with you, or because you’re difficult to love. You’re not too much, and you’re not worthless. None of this is true, and I absolutely refuse to believe it.
The truth is, it’s difficult to connect with other human beings. I’m not talking about small talk or temporary business encounters. I’m talking about that genuine, deep, meaningful connection we want to have with someone.
I’ll be completely honest, there are only three people in my life with whom I managed to create that authentic bond. Even though I deeply respect those from my past that could be on this list, by their own choice they are not longer in my life so they’re not applicable to be included.
It’s not easy to make friends because we’re tired of fake relationships, temporary connections, and people who just want to use us.
However, despite the fact that meeting someone who might just be that friend we were looking for is ridiculously hard, it’s possible. 🙂
So the question is, how will we know?
You’ll Know It When It Happens
There’s no scientific method or a course that will show you how this happens. It just does. So how will you know?
You’ll just know. In you heart, you’ll feel you found this person who will be someone who’ll listen, support, love, understand, and accept you just the way you are. Unconditionally.
Deep within, down to the very core of your soul, you’ll know you found a friend. <3
I’ve put a lot of emotions into this article, so I would love to hear your experiences with making friends in the comment section. Is this difficult for you, too?
P.S When time allows you, check out our private Facebook Group where you’ll be accepted, encouraged, supported, and listened, just the way you are. 🙂
The inner strength we as humans have knows no bounds. It’s almost limitless. However, we can’t do everything alone. Believe me, I tried. Five years ago I thought that I could do everything by myself, but the only thing I succeeded is overwhelming my mind and heart. That’s why you need to put a little faith and trust in others, too.
Why it’s important to believe in others
I know that people hurt you in the past, and that you’re probably feeling hurt even now. I’m also fully aware that you might hold some reservations towards certain ones who made you cry, and made you feel as if you are not worthy. But this article is not about them.
This is about me telling you that there’s still some good left in this world. There is still kindness to be found in others. Through the dozens of emails Giselle and I receive every week, we see and feel your pain. Every sentence I read brings me back to my past when I was hurt too. I was abandoned, rejected, humiliated, and mocked more times than I can count. But I never lost faith in people.
This is an important article for me because it symbolizes that life will lead you to the right people. But this is not about me. It’s about one person who has seen something in me when I couldn’t. It’s about a person who saw that strength of my heart when it was just beating without direction. She is my inspiration, my friend, she is my hero. When I thought I couldn’t do something and when I saw gray skies above, she was and is there to remind me what matters.
All my gratitude goes to Giselle Loayza, one of the Founders of Dauntless Inspiration and one of my dearest friends. 🙂
You need to believe in people
You need to believe in people my dear friend. No matter how many times you got hurt. This is coming from someone who perfectly understands you, and who went through a lot of painful events that left their mark. There will always be those who will never understand you, but that’s okay. Please don’t lose hope in others because of these negative experiences. They happened so that they could show you exactly who you don’t want to be.
Heroes exist. I’ve met mine, and I refuse to believe that humanity is a lost cause. Forgive them, give someone a second chance, and let go of the past, but don’t forget to protect yourself too. Believe in others, not because you want to please everyone, but because this is how you will change the world. You will change your life when you put a little faith in that someone who you see as your friend and an inspiration.
You don’t have to do this alone
Believe in others and I promise you, that kindness and belief will find its way back to you. I am an introvert, but few things recharge me more than having a meaningful talk with someone who is close to my heart.
Wear your heart on a sleeve and be vulnerable. You might get hurt and rejected, but there are far worse things than that. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, is nothing.
See, that’s why believing in others might be risky, but you only need it to happen once for you to see what amazing difference it will make. <3
How often are you vulnerable in front of those close to you? What’s your experience with opening up to others? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! 🙂
If you’re like most people, you want to save everyone. Who can blame you? Like most of us, when you see something is broken, you want to fix it. You see someone is in pain, you want to help them. It’s part of who you are. Now you’re probably thinking: “But this is what I should do, I need to be there for everyone who need me”. Well not exactly. Hear me out.
You cannot save everyone
We want to make sure that not just the people we cherish the most are safe, but also the ones around us, and pretty much everybody we meet. Whatever bad you see is happening in today’s world, it’s in human nature to try and help. However, this is when problems start to appear.
This is the unspoken truth and something you might not want to hear, but I’ll be crazy direct and honest. You can’t save everyone, and you shouldn’t. You cannot change anyone, and you shouldn’t even try. Period.
Believe me when I say, I tried. I gave it everything I got to save my potential partners from themselves, to save my friends from their own toxic thoughts, and even my family from all the arguments. I want this article to be eye-opening for you my dear friend, because it’s not your duty to fix anyone.
I’m 31 now, and I was always the one who would try to solve and repair everything. So as weird as this sounds, I’m glad I can’t make everything right. It was a burden my shoulders could never carry. You need to remember…
People don’t need to be saved
You need someone in your life who won’t need your constant help and presence. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you should be careless and distant, but you need to understand, it’s not your job to be there for everyone all the time. The painful truth is, many people don’t want to be saved.
Many are so enjoying being the victim and nothing you do will change that pattern of behavior. You’ll actually meet heavy resistance. I had my fair share of relationships and friendships in the past when I was only called when someone needed something or when things got bad.
When everything was good, it’s like I never existed. Don’t allow yourself to be in that position, because one person needs you more than anyone else…
Be there for the ones you love the most, but never forget to put yourself as a priority. I’ll now share something personal with you, and I’m a little nervous being this vulnerable. A good number of people contacted me in recent weeks, seeking my attention. I haven’t spoken with most of them for many months and even years.
So I decided, as much as every atom of my body wanted to, to not act on that feeling and help everyone who reached out. I chose to be there for myself, the ones who are there for me, and those who were by my side when no one else was. At that moment, I felt a sense of freedom I haven’t felt in a long time.
I felt guilty at the beginning though. But I made a conscious choice to focus on the ones who actually make the effort to reach out and show me that they care for me, too. By prioritizing the ones who see me as an important part of their life, I made myself a priority too.
Now I give my energy (which levels are drastically increased by the way) only to the few who earned it, and they return it to me in abundance. I want to make a difference in this world and reach out to as many people as possible, but I’ll always put myself first. Not because I’m selfish or arrogant, but because in the end, how will you help someone, if you can’t help yourself, dearest? <3
Have you ever been called a savior? Can you relate with what I wrote in this article? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
One of the greatest feats of strength is our ability to set goals and relentlessly work on them. The sheer thrill of knowing that our dreams are possible to accomplish makes us happy beyond recognition. If happiness can be described through one action, I believe this would be it. However, there’s a crucial component many disregard to acknowledge upon starting to search for that bigger why.
You Have Time To Reach Your Goal
The excitement of a challenge can boost our creativity, ambition, motivation, and especially our determination. However, there’s something that can hinder this wonderful feeling. It’s the realization that some goals might not happen right away. The idea of an constant sprint running down this imaginary racetrack is often unrealistic, because knowing more time is needed is essential. So I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not a patient person.
You need to accept the fact that more time is needed to reach that goal. I can perfectly understand that you want it right here and right now, but if you speed things up, a whole lot of bad things will happen. You might overwhelm yourself, loose your health, and even the sight of that dream you have. And this is just to name a few.
There are all kinds of emotions that’ll try finding their way into our mind when we pursue our goals, including: fear, anxiety, overwhelm, even panic. Then we’ll start asking questions like: “Why is this happening to me?” or “Why things didn’t work out like I planned, and when I planned?”. Ring a bell? Well they made me feel nauseous.
So what would be a good solution for making your most precious dream a reality without all the negative aspects that journey brings?
How can we approach this situation, and preserve our peace of mind at the same time?
Stop Rushing Yourself!
The first thing you have to do is, stop rushing yourself. Everything will happen in the exact moment when it’s supposed to happen, and not a minute sooner. If you speed it up, you will miss out the present moment my friends. And what good is reaching that finishing line if you don’t enjoy what happens before that?
Slow down, take a breather, and then continue. Second, when you set out to do something, and as long as you’re not hurting anyone in any way, move the mountains themselves to do it. If your goal hasn’t arrived yet, it’s because it’s not in season, but it will come. That I assure you.
Last but not least, the third thing you have to do is believe that what you’re going through right now is happening for a reason. I know, this is such a cliché advice. But please hear me out. Everything that is happening, what happened, was/is there to prepare you for everything you are seeking. This is your training camp, and your warm up practice before the big game.
You will reach your goals, have no doubt about it. They are not going anywhere because they are yours, and no one can take them away from you. Whatever it is you are searching right now, is searching you, too!
You may have to face the most difficult test of your life to make that dream a reality. But few feelings and emotions are equal to how you will feel knowing you actually did it. And we know you will. 🙂
So, as we at Dauntless Inspiration always say: GO DO YOUR THING!
Where are you now when it comes to reaching that main goal you have? How do you feel about the journey you’re on to get to it? We would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂