This will be one of the most difficult articles I’ve written so far. I will try not going into too much detail, and get right on point, as abandonment is something not many of us want to analyze. We just want it to stop. This incredibly difficult moment is something almost everyone I had the chance to speak with went through, including myself.
Why people abandon us?
There are a lot of scientific explanations on how abandonment impacts the person’s mind, and how you can reduce its devastating effects. But I will not cover that. Instead, I’ll take a different approach.
Recently, a friend of mine for whom I thought would be there through thick and thin simply abandoned me. Just like that. Naturally, I tried analyzing every single scenario in the book, searching for why, how, and what did I say wrong. I must have went through a thousand different scenarios, looking for what actually happened. When I finally asked her why, all I got (taking a deep breath):
“You were too much.”
No coaching certificate, years of working with world-famous speakers and entrepreneurs, dozens of coaching clients, or hundreds of personality type written articles in the past could have prepared me for these words.
I felt as if they hurt they very core of my soul, the essence of who I am. And to this day, this and events like these are among the most painful ones I ever had to go through. If I’m honest with you, I often have nightmares because of it.
However, in a brief moment of clarity during all that confusion and sadness, I found something that instantly made me feel, well I don’t want to say better, but more focused.
None of it was your fault
I’m gonna be as clear as I possibly can here. Nothing you did or said contributed for that person to abandon you. It wasn’t your fault, none of it. It was their decision, and their decision alone, period. You did everything you could to preserve that relationship.
It’s impossible for me to say: “Move on” or “Forget about it”. We both know that’s not going to happen today. But what I will say is, when one door close, another opens. I know, sounds so cliché, right? Well it’s true. Never will you see a closed path without the universe opening another one for you. Call it however you want, but this is how life works.
Make no mistake, abandonment will hurt like hell, worse than any other nightmare you ever dreamed of. But it happened because it had to happen. Did you deserve it? Of course not! Are you a good person? Of course you are! Stop there, please my friend. Don’t dig deeper. I searched for closure in my most recent abandonment event. Yet the further I looked, the sadder I became.
When someone leaves you, grieve it, be sad about it, cry it out, but that’s not the end. I realized even as the wound was still fresh, that there will always be someone who will stay. There’s always going to be that one soul who will accept you just the way you are, and simply refuse to leave.
If you’re going through abandonment right now, or if memories of it returned, remember one thing. Don’t abandon yourself. I know how you feel, I’ve been there. But I assure you, it will hurt more if you start digging deeper and search for a closure.
You got it already. That person left without giving you the decency of a simple explanation. Let that be your closing moment. If there’s one thing our mind and heart agree with (that’s a miracle by itself), it’s that some people will choose to exit our life no matter what we say or do.
Why people abandon us? Because they’re making room for those who won’t be a mere chapter in your book of life. They will write that novel alongside with you, right to the very end. 🙂
Please remember something I already mentioned. Your value is not determined by someone inability to see it. Don’t abandon who you are and be your own greatest hero. You already are one in my book. <3
Have you ever experienced abandonment? What did you do to overcome it? We would deeply appreciate to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
How Katherine Pomerantz Went From Freelance Actress To Successful Business Owner And Financial Expert In Less Than 12 Months With No Previous Experience
Katherine had always been what you would call a free spirit. She grew up near Denver Colorado and enjoyed all the outdoor activities you can imagine doing in that area of the country and after college she decided to travel the world for 15 months before settling down in Norman, Oklahoma with her husband.
She found herself settling in well in Oklahoma right after getting married however she could not find work as an artist. Getting married changed her perspective and she had two defining events happen in her life that got her to the point where she’s at now.
She started working many different jobs and was working 60 to 80 hour weeks at one point, just to make ends meet. One day at one of her jobs as a line cook she had the realization that it would be IMPOSSIBLE to buy a house on her salary plus she just couldn’t work any more hours and she became fully aware that she was in fact struggling with money.
She ended up leaving that job and took on a summer job at a theatre festival. She needed a break, something fun to do to take her mind off things. And that’s when the breakthrough came, as she was taking her break at work she was sitting down on the tile floor just EXHAUSTED & started looking at her phone and she came across an ad on launching your her bookkeeping business, the light bulb went on and the rest is history, as they say.
Now her accounting firm called The Bookkeeping Artist has hundreds of clients around the globe and her content reaches thousands. Her financial expertise has been featured in Buzzfeed, Penny Hoarder and The Stacking Benjamins podcast.
Some advice on starting your own business from Katherine
There’s a big difference between education and implementation. At some point you just have to try it and take action. Just say YES and give it a shot.
Build out a business/life plan: get clear on what your plan is! Keep the numbers out & make it about people! What does your future look like? What is your mission? What are your values ? Why are you in business? Why are you in that career or job? Who are you helping? What do you want to be known for?
Take your time and write all this out, it will not be enough to do this in your head. And learn to push through money blocks as a business owner.
One of the secrets to her success was overcoming her money blocks. As a business owner you can’t afford a money block taking you out of the business. It may take you years to get over a money block however you have to keep moving despite those blocks. Recognize when you have one, don’t let it stop you, deal with it, work on it and just bring it along with you, push through it to keep your business coming along.
The one thing you can do right now to get you on the right financial path
If you’re struggling financially, if you’re having problems with your money mindset or have any money blocks this is what you do.
You create a money story and become the Hero in it. This is what the richest and best investors and business people in the world do when looking at their money. They create a new relationship between them and their money.
Look at your financial reports (personal budget or bank statement), take all of the information on there and tell a story about it. If you like the story then get on board with the story. Make sure you put money in a good light in your story. Money will either be the hero or the villain (money blocks) in your story.
Do you struggle with fear of failure or fear of success?
Katherine recommends you learn to recognize when you are avoiding to deal with your fears or procrastination, which can be a coping mechanism. In other words, recognize and be more self aware of when you are afraid & do it anyway.
She remembers back from her acting training that stage fright is a very real thing. Back when she was performing in a movie or on stage sometimes in front of thousands of people it’s not that she was not afraid because stage fright it’s NEVER not present, however all her mentors and trainers always told her that if she ever was about to go on stage and she didn’t have stage fright, to quit. This would have been proof that she didn’t care anymore.
This was the best piece of advice she ever received because she realized that she was okay with being afraid and could still act in spite of it, and you can too.
What is your biggest takeaway from this article? Has Katherine’s story inspired you, and how? We would love to hear from you in the comments below! 🙂
One of the most important events in our lives is the moment when we discover our genuine purpose. It’s that second of realization when we understand that the puzzle is completed, and when all events of the past become clear to us. When we find our purpose, whether that’s a career, relationship, or another realm of life, we feel fulfillment like we’ve never felt it before.
Why We Need To Find Purpose
In today’s modern world, when you say you want to find purpose, you usually get this response in return: “Stop your daydreaming and philosophy.” This is something that really bothers me, since why should purpose discovery be seen as something strange? Why should it be seen as something that’s taboo?
The answer is simple. Every time when a person gives you the weird look upon mentioning purpose, it’s because they don’t want to find it for themselves. Or because they tried finding it and failed. In their eyes, it’s so much easier to just tell you that you can’t do it, too. It will remind them that they tried, but did not succeed, and that they are living a stagnant, repetitive life. Let me give you an example.
You finish school or college, you get a job, you work, marry, and then retire, period. That’s how most people think these days. I’m not saying this way of life is bad, but this is a heavy blow for a mind that’s hungry for meaning and more knowledge. We need to have a higher purpose and a bigger why in life. If you miss out on that, your life may become repetitive, which leads to stagnation, and to much worse outcomes…
We need to find purpose because it’s the pre-requisite for all the good you want to accomplish. It’s the foundation of not just your own personal success, but also a guarantee that you will find those who will share the same values as you do.
It’s not just about reaching that bigger why. It’s understanding that life can be so much more once you know where to turn your sails, and chart your own course. 🙂
It Will Be Worth It
Wandering through life and living day by day may be a good way to live for some, and that’s okay. But not for everyone. Our purpose should be our guide, and it should be that one thing that gives us the strength to persevere even in our darkest moments. It doesn’t matter what that purpose is, because as long as we have it and see it, we can work on it, upgrade it, and make a difference.
It’s easy to go with the flow and let life unfold day after day. Trust me, that’s the easy part. But when you start planning to do something bigger, that’s when you’ll see all the magnificent possibilities life has to offer.
That’s why discovering purpose is so vital. It’s the founding block of our determination, perseverance, persistence, fulfillment, and happiness. But please know, if you still haven’t found it, don’t despair, you will. It’s only a matter of time.
Don’t forget, the road to reaching your purpose is incredibly important, because it’s not all about the end goal. It’s about who we become on that journey. Embrace these moments when you don’t actually know where to go. They will be one of the most beautiful and adventurous experiences you will ever undertake. They will be worth it, all the way. 🙂
Have you found your purpose? If not, how would you describe your journey so far? We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
It’s not easy to face our past. Few people ever gather the courage to look their past right in the eye and say they moved on. What you need to remember is, it happened because it was supposed to teach you something. It happened, because it needed to bring you where you are now.
Why We Need To Face Our Past
A while ago I had a chance to say hi to my past, literally. I saw a person who meant the world to me almost ten years ago, but this time something was different. Instead of putting her on a pedestal like I used to and saying yes to her every demand and suggestion, something else happened entirely.
I moved on. When I looked into her eyes, I knew I’m this new, brave person who embraced being who he is, where I am now, and where I really want to be. Of course I’m doing what I can to reach that goal that occupies my attention, but a much more important moment happened in my mind that day.
I left my past where it belongs, behind me. Good memories and moments are always welcomed, but that’s about it. You see, most of us tend to dwell in the past, because we relish the chance to question it relentlessly. We ask ourselves: Maybe I could have done something differently… Let me be honest with you right now:
No, you couldn’t.
It Happened Exactly How It Was Supposed To Happen
Everything that has ever happened to you needed to happen. Every single difficulty, lonely moment, pain, and judgment had to come to pass so you could be ready to receive everything you ever wanted. Maybe you’re not where you want to be right now, and that’s okay. Shake off the doubt, shake of the negativity. Remember your dream, because you will reach it.
Look at your past, but leave it where it belongs, far behind you. Let what happened be a proof what a wonderful person you’ve become. Know how giving, caring, and understanding you already are. This is something you should be proud of every single day.
That’s what I am asking you to do. Leave your past-self, and let it go my dear friend. What has transpired wasn’t a punishment. Quite the contrary, it was a lesson, and nothing more. Stop torturing your gentle mind with different outcomes and what could have happened. It’s not just about releasing your previous life and accepting it, but also not allowing it to control you.
If your dream wasn’t alive, on track, and right on schedule, you wouldn’t have so many roadblocks coming against you. Maybe you tried five years ago or ten years ago. It didn’t work out? Start again. Let go of your past, because when you do, you are allowing yourself to embrace the present, and plan the future. You agree giving that future a fighting chance to unfold in all it’s glory and greatness you deserve to have. <3
Here at Dauntless Inspiration, we are your biggest fans, and we are cheering for you every step of the way. You got this! 🙂
Have you accepted what happened in your past? Are you still struggling with this? Let us know in the comments below, we would love to hear from you!
Every beginning is hard. No matter how prepared we think we are, or how much planning we do, there’s always going to be something that’ll trigger that fear of failure. Not to mention the overwhelming pressure that tries to claw its way to the surface when we’re seconds away from pressing the “publish” button. I went through all of this before writing what you’re seeing before you now.
Why the name Dauntless Inspiration?
Ever since I was a teenager, I knew there was something in me that made people around me feel good about themselves. As if something I said and did give them the permission to be who they really are. Due to the fact that I was bullied for a good portion of my life, I promised myself that I’ll never raise my hand or voice on another living soul.
A similar pattern repeated itself in my 9/5 career later in life. The difference was, it wasn’t physical bullying this time, “only” mental one. The pain was the same though. Worst of all, I blamed myself. I thought that I was all my fault, and that people who did me wrong had valid reasons for doing so.
But four years ago, through the gentle guidance of my mentor and dear friend, Michaela Chung, the creator of Introvertspring.com, I found my purpose and who I really am. The feeling of acquiring that ever-elusive victory within was that victorious moment I was waiting for my entire life.
Creation of Dauntless Inspiration is the pinnacle and the culmination of all the positive emotions, hope, kindness, understanding, acceptance, courage, and love towards the ones I call my chosen family. It’s the gate through which I’m inviting you all to join me on this journey of self-acceptance, purpose, and self-development.
The name Dauntless Inspiration? Because being Dauntless means being scared but doing it anyway. Because it means standing up for all that is good and true. Because it means believing, even if you are the only one who does. And inspiration because this world has enough criticism and indifference. It’s time to get inspired, the Dauntless way! J
We are Unique, and So are You
Before I continue, just in case no one told you this today, I want you to know: You matter, you are important, you are worthy, and you are making the difference whether you see it or not. This world is richer with you in it, and your existence is a marvelous gift to be cherished!
We blindly believe in the power and the uniqueness of the human spirit. No one can deny that there’s so much bad happening right now. But Dauntless Inspiration is here to remind you that there’s still good to be found. It’s there, and we’re going to show you how to find it. J
Before we do that, I would like to share a short, but powerful description of what we’re going to focus on here.
1. We’ll help you find your authentic purpose. Finding purpose is your birthright! When you discover that bigger why in life, everything you ever went through will make perfect sense. The puzzle will be complete.
2. You’ll learn how to establish meaningful connections. It’s not easy to connect with people, whether this is someone from your personal life or career. In the time when technology gives us the chance to immediately “friend” someone, we’re more distant than ever. But don’t worry, Dauntless Inspiration will change that.
3. Your networking skills will drastically improve. How many times you wanted to send that email to the person you admire but chose to press “delete” instead of “send”? That’s why we’ll show you tested and practical ways to reach out to anyone, regardless of how out of reach they may seem to be in your mind.
4. We’ll show you the true meaning of self-development. There’s no magic formula that’ll show you how to speed up your self-development work in seven days, sorry. This is a process that takes time, but you’re in luck, because we are experts in not just showing you how to apply it, but also how to start and maintain continuity.
5. Self-Acceptance will be your biggest strength. When we accept ourselves, everything we do in life begins to follow that pattern. Your relationships, career, connections, everything will start to accept you, because you’ve acknowledged who you are from within. Dauntless Inspiration will show you precisely how to do that and so much more!
How are we different?
We are different because we know how it feels like to be the outsider, but still, thrive. We’re different because whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, we know exactly how to help you fulfill that amazing potential we know you have. We are different, because we don’t want you to fit in, but show you how to stand out and make a difference!
Combining years of experience as certified coaches, writers, marketing experts, community managers, event managers, and speakers, the Team behind Dauntless Inspiration is here to guide you, and show you that it’s possible to be unique and succeed!
Both the incredible Giselle Loayza and I will do everything in our power to help you reach your dreams and goals, regardless of how “impossible” they seem now. You can be sure that you’ll always find an endless well of support and encouragement from us. We made it our mission that you succeed!
Dauntless inspiration has your back, and you are not alone my dear friends!
Now, let’s make some magic together, shall we? <3
On to You.
We would love to know, how did you find us? What caught your attention while you were reading this article? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below, we would so appreciate hearing from you! J